Intoxicating Desires | T. Al Ghul ✔

[40]

Bruce had been affected most by Jason's death.

He felt it was his fault for agreeing to take the hotheaded young vigilante with him and it was his fault that he could not get to him in time.

He had seen the warehouse explode in front of his eyes, he had searched through the debris and found his broken body, he had carried him out of the flames himself but by then it had been too late.

And thus, they had lost Jason Todd, another young martyr to Bruce's mission against injustice.

Another soldier, another death, another fault.

He couldn't help but wonder whether the decision of taking the boy in and turning him into Robin had been wrong from the start. He was aggressive and reckless, his temper landing him into trouble. And Bruce still let him accompany him on that mission which resulted in his brutal torture and death.

After coming back from Bosnia, Bruce hadn't spoken a single word to either of them. Richard and Alfred were both worried for him because it was clear that he needed help yet he was shutting them out.

Apparently, he was going about with his life as a robot, mechanically fulfilling all the tasks. But internally he was breaking down day by day with the guilt that was eating him up alive.

Slowly, everyone was starting to notice that he was disintegrating. As Batman, he was always too furious, and as Bruce, he was too distant. 

Something had to be done about his current state but if he was going to keep shutting himself out, nothing his family tried for him would work.

Richard had been staying at Wayne Manor and he was trying to get his transfer reverted to the GCPD. He did not want to go to Bludhaven and leave Bruce alone to deal with the mess Gotham was in. But staying at the Manor and not being able to get any response out of Bruce was hard for him too.

He felt as if he had not only lost Jason but Bruce as well because that man was no different from a reanimated corpse. He had been reduced to a pitiful state that was merely a ghost of what he used to be.

Richard had come to his study and knocked on the door, waiting for him to open up. Usually, whenever he came to the study, Bruce would let him in and the two would talk about whatever Richard wanted to discuss.

Even if he knocked only once, Bruce would come to the door to see what was wrong. Yet right then, he had knocked five times but there was no response whatsoever.

Worried for him, Richard spoke up, "if you won't allow me to come in yourself, I might have to use the keys."

He didn't get any response still so he sighed wearily, taking out the ancient key from the bunch Alfred had given him and turned it in the lock. He opened the door and saw Bruce sitting on his chair behind his desk.

The chair was turned to the window that offered a view into the Wayne Cemetery and it seemed as if Bruce hadn't even heard Richard step in as he was rooted to his spot.

Staring out the window without even blinking at the place where Jason had been buried.

Richard felt pain stab through his heart to see him like that. Slowly he approached him and rested his hand on his shoulder.

That once, Bruce sensed that he wasn't alone anymore so he turned to see Richard standing beside him. 

Richard, the first boy he had taken in and the reason he had made up his mind to adopt Jason as well. But things had never gone the same way for Jason as they had worked out for his eldest son.

However, Bruce wasn't sure whether he was to blame for that too or not.

In all those days of drowning himself in guilt and delusion, everything seemed to be his fault.

Richard had come to stand in front of him, blocking his view of the Cemetery. His hands rested on his shoulders, forcing him to look at him.

"Bruce, you have to stop shutting all of us out," Richard spoke up, his eyes earnestly pleading with him to say something, anything, in response. "It hurts us to see you like this. Please stop blaming yourself for what happened."

He sighed wearily, looking away from those sky-blue eyes as he brushed his hands off him, standing up from the chair, "I have to go on patrol."

"No, you have to talk to me."

"Dick, don't make this harder for me," he remarked but of course once Richard made up his mind to get his point across, he wouldn't give up until he succeeded.

"Bruce, please. You're the one who is making it harder for yourself," he spoke up, blocking his path again, "sit down and we can talk things out. Shutting us out and keeping your emotions buried isn't going to help."

"No," he was resolute but Richard was having none of it.

He held his arms and dragged him back to his seat, making him sit down as he knelt in front of him, not letting him leave, "I am sorry but you can't leave for patrol tonight. I am not letting you go unless you stop pushing us away and dealing with your grief on your own. You're not the only one who lost Jason, we all did. So suffering on your own is not the answer."

Silence engulfed the two as Bruce was at a loss for what to say. He knew whatever he would say right then would end up hurting Richard. And he didn't want that to happen.

"Say something, anything... Don't stay silent, please."

Bruce took in a deep breath, shaking his head as the guilt stabbed through his heart. But no words came out and Richard looked hurt to see that.

At last, the boy stood up, retrieving his hands from his, "alright. Don't say anything if you don't want to. But you're not going out on patrol alone. I will come with you."

Still no response.

It was making Richard frustrated as well but he didn't want to erupt on Bruce and end up making him feel more at fault. So he gave up but added, "I have applied to get transferred back to the GCPD. I will be staying at the Manor from now on and I will be going out on patrol with you whether you like it or not."

Bruce looked at him at that statement and spoke at last, "you shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because I work alone," he replied in an almost breaking voice, "I don't want you to get hurt too."

He had stood up to leave but it was clear that he wasn't okay at all. Seeing that, Richard stepped forward and took him into a tight hug.

He knew Bruce hated hugs but he needed to be reminded that he was not alone. And Richard had only one way of doing that.

Bruce stood still for a whole minute but then responded at last, patting his son's back awkwardly. He had already lost one of his sons, he couldn't afford to lose the other one too.

***