The Ascension of Helms( A WWE Storyline)

Episode 1(Raw): I'm Here to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum

I'm Alister Helms, one half of Helms Squared with the great Shane Helms as my partner. You see, I hate what WWE has become since the Attitude Era. From the legendary Stone Cold Steve Austin kicking Vince's old ass to Mick Foley being the WWE Champion for the first time... "Daddy O did it." and now, we have John Cena as the WWE Champion, The Big Red Machine Kane donning a suit for the sake of Triple H's regime at Raw. It was about time that all of it stopped right now, and I had the right promo on my mind.

Alister Helms: Oh, what a surprise. Triple H isn't hogging the spotlight with a 20 minute promo, yay. You see, HHH used to be against the Authority. How he became one tho, oh boy it's hypocritical to even put it on the same plate. No one wants Cena as champion, no one wants Hulk Hogan cutting promos about the WWE Network, no one wants Eva Marie in the WWE, no one wants Brock Lesnar or the Rock come to WWE as a part time employee. They want to see Zack Ryder, they want to see Tyson Kidd, they want to see CM Punk, they want to hear Alister Helms speak the truth and what Alister Helms wants to hear is the answer of our GM Trish Stratus!

Trish Stratus came to the stage, as beautiful as always. She traded the brunette look for the blonde look and wore managerial outfits similar to her T&A days...
Trish Stratus: You say the fans want to hear my answer.
Alister Helms: That's right, Trish.
Trish Stratus: Well, yes. WWE needs to change a little bit, and that change will kick the card off for tonight. You will be facing the team of Team Extreme. Damn right, TEAM EXTREME!
Jerry Lawler: What? Matt and Jeff Hardy are back?! Tonight will sure be a slobber knocker.
Jim Ross: Let's not forget Lita in the equation too!
Jerry Lawler: Oh, boy. I can't wait to see Lita back in action.
Jim Ross: Will it be a 3 on 2 handicap match?
Trish Stratus: Guess what? I will be your partner for tonight's tag match, let's bring the fans some ATTITUDE.
Jim Ross: We're seeing two returns so far, King.
Jerry Lawler: Woohoo, puppies!

Our tag team match was a show stealer. Trish Stratus and Lita were still in their prime, so were the Hardys but we weren't going to allow Jeff and Matt to win. I needed this win, not just for Shane but for Trish too. I've been having a crush on Trish since she graced my presence on my TV when I was a high school student. My Vertebreaker on Matt Hardy had sealed the win for us, but as usual HHH had to ruin our win against the Hardys.
Triple H: So, you say I'm a hypocrite eh? Kid, you were still popping zits back when I formed DX with Shawn, Billy, Road Dogg Jesse James!
Alister Helms: And Chyna... Sorry, I'm crossing the line here. How's Chyna by the way? Oh, and the Kliq.
Triple H: You better shut your mouth if you don't want me to Pedigree you on that ring.
Alister Helms: What a coincidence, we're in Madison Square Garden. The same arena which you and your friends hugged it out.
Little did I know Bill Goldberg would spear me afterwards...
Jim Ross: OH MY GOD. It's Goldberg! Bill Goldberg just decimated Alister Helms with that spear. He's broken in half!
Jerry Lawler: Wow, it's 2003 all over again.

Todd Grisham was at the backstage, interviewing CM Punk.
Todd Grisham: Punk, your fans have missed you since you walked away at the 2014 Royal Rumble. What do you have to say about your absence?
CM Punk: Well. I married AJ, who is way hotter than Steph. Um... I tweeted about hockey, you know? Same old same old? Oh, and I got to see the Authority get manhandled by the Shield twice.
Todd Grisham: That doesn't exactly answer the questions of the WWE Universe.
CM Punk: FANS, not UNIVERSE. What did I say back in 2011? I said that WWE would be taken by his doofus son in law, and his son in law, his wifey and Corporate Kane are being a thorn on WWE. I'm the BEST, not you! I'm the BEST IN THE WORLD,I've been the best when I defended the title for 434 days, I've been the best when I had Paul Heyman by my side, I've been the best when I left with the WWE title! I'm not back for the fans, I'm back for myself!
Jerry Lawler: Shocking statement from the best in the world himself, ladies and gentleman.
Jim Ross: CM Punk just stomped everyone like a government mule...

Next up was Christian's match with Cody Rhodes. Christian has always been one of my favorites during the Attitude Era. Injuries haunted him but it seemed like Christian was back for good... Wait a second...
Justin Roberts: And the winner by disqualification is... CHRISTIAN.
Jerry Lawler:But the match hasn't even started yet.
Christian seized the opportunity as Cody Rhodes was distracted by Justin Roberts' call and won via roll up. Cody Rhodes was going crazy with chair shots on Christian's recently recovered body...
Jim Ross: You son of a bitch, he has a family...
Jerry Lawler: CROSS RHODES.
Jim Ross: Tonight's gonna be one hell of a Raw, that's for sure.

The Miz was getting ready for his match against Bad News Barrett. Maryse was watching The Miz prepare for his match for the Intercontinental Championship match.
Maryse: Good luck, baby and don't worry about your haters. They're just haters.
The Miz: I am the Miz and I'm...
Maryse: Awesome.
The Miz: That's right, see you in the ringside. *kisses on the lips*

Bad News Barrett had the better moveset and a charisma. He's been having a memorable championship reign since I've been the tag team champions with Shane.
Jim Ross: Irish Whip to the corner... Barrett's ready to punch the hell out of him...
Jerry Lawler: 1-2-3-4-5-6... Maryse is trying to distract Barrett.
Jim Ross: Is Maryse trying to seduce Bad News Barrett?
Jerry Lawler: Not effective as Barrett connects the Bullhammer...
Jim Ross: Bad News Barrett is still your Intercontinental champion..
Jerry Lawler: We still have Big Poppa Pump main eventing tonight's Raw against John Cena!
Jim Ross: And it's for the WWE championship!

Scott Steiner has freakish muscles, that's for sure. No wonder why they call him The Genetic Freak, he dominated the wrestling scene in WCW and now, Steiner was back... Just like Goldberg.
Jerry Lawler: The STF... Cena's trying to make Steiner tap out...
Jim Ross: The champ is using all of his power to win against Steiner.
Jerry Lawler: Steiner reverses the STF into an electric chair... Is that what I think it is?
Jim Ross: It's the Steiner Recliner! Will the champ tap out?
Justin Roberts: And the new WWE Champion is... Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner!...
Jim Ross: Oh, man. What an epic night.
Jerry Lawler: Scott Steiner came back, Goldberg came back, the Hardy Boys were in action tonight.
Jim Ross: Full of comebacks, King.
Jerry Lawler: We'll see all of you next week.

After Raw ended, I went back to my hotel room to prepare for next week's Raw, which was in Chicago. Tough for me too...