𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐞 - 𝐥. 𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐧

ｐｒｏｌｏｇｕｅ

【 maniac - phoebe green. 】

notes: huehue pain huehue. </3 (also this is kinda ass but oh well-)

≪ °◇◆◇° ≫

It all happened so quickly.

It felt like whiplash.

As Lloyd stared into her eyes, watching as they filled with unshed tears, he knew he had royally fucked up.

She didn't deserve this. She deserved so much better. So much more than him and what he could offer.

And truthfully.. he wished he never met her. Because maybe then he could have spared her this pain.
Lloyd hated he was the cause of this. The cause of her anguish. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and protect her from the world. But his feet remained planted and he didn't move an inch.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out shakily, so quiet he wasn't even sure if she heard him.

"Fuck.. Y/n.. I'm so, so sorry-" he choked out, ignoring the tears that slid down his face.

She stared at him, or perhaps, through him. He wasn't even sure.
Even as her own tears fell, she hardly moved. Hardly bat an eye. If she weren't breathing, he was sure she'd be a statue.

"It's okay," she finally whispered, breaking Lloyd's heart even more.

And he crumbled.

She looked at him as if he were made of stained glass. An artist admiring their work. Watching as light danced from those colored panels. He was beautiful... Y/n sucked in a shaky breath through parted lips. Letting her eyes slide closed as she tried to process everything that had just happened. Where had they gone wrong? She tried to piece it together, but no matter how hard she racked her brain, nothing came to mind. No specific reason for all this pain and torment entered her thoughts. What was this anguish she was feeling?

Tears streaked down her face as she allowed her eyes to flutter open. She tore her gaze away from him, gazing towards the sun. Beaming and bright despite her inevitable sadness.

"Y/n..." Lloyd breathed, taking the smallest of steps towards her. He was afraid. Afraid to lose her. Afraid that if he moved too fast she would bolt. Afraid that if he touched her she would break.

"What do you want from me?" She whispered, keeping her gaze on the horizon. Her voice cracked and she swallowed thickly. He hated to see her this way. Hated to see her in pain. The pain he caused.
"Nothing.." his tongue darted out to wet his lips nervously. "I want nothing from you... I'm.. I'm sorry, Y/n.. I'm so sorry I never meant-" Her gaze snapped towards his, the light and warmth he was used to seeing in her wonderous eyes was now hidden behind a shadow of misery. A venoumous and icy gaze that pierced his very heart.

"You're sorry?" she scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. "You're sorry?" She said again, voice rising in anger.

"Sorry for what, exactly... for using me. For breaking me down into nothing. For making me feel like the most worthless piece of shit to ever exist. For making me doubt myself, when it was you... when you were the problem all along." She spat. The collar of her shirt soaked with her tears.

"I just want you to be happy, thats- that's all I ever wanted-" Lloyd reached out for her and she slapped his hand away.

"Bullshit. Had I wished to be happy.. I would have never chosen you. But I strive to be miserable, and will be as long as I'm by your side." Y/n reached up at wiped at her face roughly. Harshly swiping at her cheeks as she tried to rid herself of her tears. Cold and broken was the expression she carried. With a shattered heart and tear streaked cheeks, she did not falter. She was a force to fear.

He was silent. Completely tongue tied. It felt like someone had shoved a hot iron rod down his throat. His own tears continued to spill, even though he did his best to contain them. He loved her. He love everything about her. The way she smelled. The way she tasted. He loved how she cried when watching movies, and how invested she got when reading books. He loved her little rants and the way her eyes lit up when talking about something she adored. He loved the way her eyes would crinkle when she smiled and nose scrunched when she laughed. God... Did he love her laugh...

Lloyd knew he was no good for her. The best thing he could do for her was let her go. And he knew that if he told her this, she wouldn't have it. She loved him too much to see his flaws. So he did the only thing he could think of to protect her from himself. He hurt her. Hurt her in a way she would never forget so that she would see just how bad he was. So that she would see his flaws and leave him before he did something even worse.

He was a tangled mess of contradictory things.

He went through phases just like the moon, and even after he completed his lunar cycle and returned to his bright self again there would always be a moment where he'd let darkness consume him. Because in every lunar cycle, the moon disappears for a while, and it has a dark side too.

His wrath was all he could see and so he let it control him. He knew this. So he broke her. Words have power and hearts are fragile. He used this to his advantage. They fit together like two puzzle pieces. Perfectly shaped for one another. Daring and kind. Protective and loyal. They were one. He gazed at her with love struck eyes as if she were his everything. And to him - she was.

So he destroyed her.