Welcome to Upside-Down Falls

Part 10: I have a Gardener?

It's me, Holly. And I'm just heading outside to offer clothing to a random naked man in my gran's garden. Not only that, but I'm wearing a cheeky, chatty bearded dragon who is actually a fairy or elf princess (I can't keep these things straight) as a shoulder pad.

Yup, this is what I do now. I clothe the naked, wear the scaly and have tea with badgers. This is my life now, embracing the weirdness.

We make our way around Grans's cottage and find "Guy" still standing in the hedge.
He looks a bit different, or did the shock of him popping up suddenly addle my brain some more?

Quick question; how many times can one's brain be addled before it's completely addled?

"Oh, hello there! Me name is Guy," Naked Guy greets me as if we didn't meet a few minutes ago. He probably holds the answer to that brain addling question... I blink at his mop of pale blond curls and his cheerful smile and swallow nervously. Talking to animals is one thing; having naked men hanging around in my hedge is a completely different ball game. What is the protocol here?

"Go ahead, just give him the clothes. He's harmless, I promise," Ysolde tells me. Easy for her to say. She's a reptile, not a young woman in the company of a naked man... regardless of how harmless he really does look. I think the only thing in danger of being harmed by Guy, is probably Guy himself... he is naked and in a scratchy hedge, after all.

I carefully take a few steps closer, just close enough to hand him the clothing but not close enough to see too many of his... uhm... details. Seeing the full picture is not something I want to experience today... or any day.

"Oh! You found me clothes?!" Guy exclaims as he reaches for the clothing as if I have randomly picked them up off the ground where he'd left them.

"You're welcome, but that's not your clothes," I start to explain, and then the enormity of the task of explaining weird things to an even weirder man just makes me shrug instead. "You know what? Nevermind."

Guy disappears into the hedge, and I sigh a sigh of profound relief and gratefulness. After a few minutes of shaking branches, grunts and the kind of exclamations one usually hears from people who get poked by sharp twigs, he reappears, clothed this time, and carefully steps out to bow to us, causing Ysolde to erupt into a fit of giggles at the sight.

"You.... you gave him a dress!"

She is right, of course; in my haste to find clothes for this man, I just grabbed whatever was there at the top, in the chest, ready, willing and able to be grabbed. Fortunately, Guy is not fazed one bit by Ysolde's outburst or the 'oh, crap' look that I must have on my face now.

"Can I get you different clothes?" I ask Guy, struggling to suppress laughter of my own, bubbling up inside me, since Ysolde's is extremely contagious, possibly because it is erupting in squeaks and sputters from a bearded dragon. I've always found the species quite solemn-looking; hearing one laugh has me torn between giggling and running away in fear. I have to push my laughter down with force to save my dignity because I tend to snort-laugh when something is really funny... and it's not pretty.

"Why?" Guy wants to know, his brow knitting with confusion as he studies the floral skirt of the dress flowing around his skinny shins. "What's wrong with me clothes?" He is obviously very proud of his outfit as he twirls around in circles, admiring the way the dress billows out and floats around him. "Mmmm... flowy, but there be a bit of a breeze near me-"

"Yes, you look very nice indeed," Ysolde interrupts, sparing me the gory details about where exactly that breeze is getting to. "No need to change your clothes."

Seeing Gran's prettily carved wooden bench under the huge dwarf flowering gum tree with its pretty salmon pink spidery flowers, where she often spent lazy summer afternoons reading and daydreaming, I move my hand, indicating to Guy to stroll there with me. We both make ourselves at home on the age-scarred seat, and I suck in a breath, hurriedly averting my gaze as Ysolde bursts into her strange laughter again when Guy, in an awkwardly dainty manner, smoothes the dress over his bottom and sits down. There is nothing ladylike about his manner now that he's sitting, and I am very grateful that I did not grab a short dress.