The Cowboy's Promise (UNDER HEAVY REVISION)

Why'd You Leave Me?

THALIA'S P.O.V.

I walk down to the canyon by myself. Just an hour ago, Red stopped by to tell me Blake had passed. The nurses never would let me in the hospital to see him. Those assholes.

I saw him only a couple times before he passed. That was when he was still. . . . Blake. When he was still laughing and smiling, he still had his shaggy brown hair. They said immediate family only the worse he got. And the truth is, I would've only gone to say goodbye if I could've. When he died, he wasn't my Blake anymore.

I wrap his leather jacket tighter around me, remembering the first time we danced in this canyon. Now it all seemed like a dream. Blake wasn't gone. He couldn't be. How could a man leave his siblings, his ranch, his girlfriend like that? It was unreal.

Slowly, my brain goes through and replays every date and hangout we had at the canyon. Everything from the night after senior homecoming to the years before he died, when he took me on a picnic here. I still hear his stupid jokes in my head. His laugh, so innocent and full of joy, rings in my ears. I sit down on a river rock, just replaying everything. If I concentrate, I can almost see him enjoying a beer on the bank next to me. I take out my cell and dial his number, waiting for the famous voice message.

"Hey, guys, it's Blake Dodge. Guess you already knew that." He laughs. My stupid, lovable dork. "Anyway, if I know you, you know what to do. If you don't know me, why are you calling? Either way, God bless. Sibs, Tal, always remember I love you."

Cue waterworks. I sit there for a full ten minutes crying. I put my phone in the pocket of the jacket and find Blake's iPod. I frown and unlock it, looking at it. The last thing open was voice memos. There's one labeled 'Thalia '. I open it.

"Hey, Tal. Sorry I never said goodbye to you. Lord knows I wanted to," his melodic voice says. "First, remember I love you. I love everything about you. The way you talk in your sleep, your dimples, and yes, even the little fat on your stomach. There's not much I can say on this thing. I recorded it on today, April 23rd, and had Red put it in the jacket. I had a feeling you'd take it eventually. I can't wait to see you again. You know my brothers and sister will be there for you, right? They'll take care of you. Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. But don't cry for me. There's no reason to be upset over an old cowboy. Everyone dies, some sooner rather than. I just happened to be in the former. Like I told Red, don't do anything you shouldn't. I hope you find someone else to treat you right. Go into your room and look under your bed. It was supposed to be a birthday present, but I won't last that long. Love you, Mayhaw. Love, Blake."

I run to the Dodges' house, tears blurring my vision. I would have run into the river if the path wasn't so familiar. I run around trees and through the grass. My brain keeps reminding me of all the summer dates we had out here, our bare feet swishing through the thick grass. I finally reach the end of the trail and run across the gravel drive up to their cedar wood porch. Red already has the door open when I run up. His girlfriend looks over his shoulder. I hit his bare chest without thinking and sob on his shoulder. As far as I'm concerned right now, Red and I are the only people there.

"The iPod note?"

All I can do is nod. He hums and rubs my back. Eventually, he grabs me up and sits in a rocker, still holding me. He's humming a song as he rocks. I only cry harder when I recognize it. It's Troubadour, Blake's favorite song. I feel my warm tears fall on to his already glistening chest. If he was wearing a shirt, it would have been soaked. But I stay curled up in his lap like a kid. He rocks until I look up and wipe my eyes. Red holds me close to his chest.

"Are you okay now?" the thirty one year old asks gently.

"I'm ok," I say, my voice thick. "But did you really have to hum Troubadour?"