You can sleep when you're dead

Chapter 7

Mark's pov

I'm surprised I've heard the knock on the door. I didn't expect anyone and most definitely not at this absurd hour. I have a surgery in a couple of hours and it's way past midnight. But I'm even more surprised that the knock on the door woke me up. Then again, it's not like I've been sleeping peacefully. I've been awake for most of the night, waiting for her. Waiting for Meredith. I know it sounds foolish and so totally not like me, but I can't help myself. I've been waiting for her ever since I've met her. The only reason I haven't made my move yet is because, contrary to popular believe, I'm not out to hurt my friend once again. Okay, call me stupid. I know that by making my move on Meredith will no doubtly hurt Derek, I also like to believe that Meredith might be truly interested in me.

And here she is, standing in front of me, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. And here I am, standing in front of her half naked. For a second I think that I should have worn a shirt, but when I see the trouble she goes through trying to tear her eyes away from me, I know that I'm save.

I feel the smirk on my lips and try very hard not too. It looks like she's about to say something serious and the last thing she'd need would be me, half naked and smirking.
I feel my heart speed up when she says that she settled for friendship with Derek. For a second I don't believe it, but when I see the hurt in her eyes I know it's true. She really did it. Because she looks hurt, I'm not sure if she's really sure about her decision. Honestly? If this was not about Derek, I would have kissed her already. I would have pulled her into my room and I would have started undressing her. But this is about Derek. This is about my former best friend. I realise that Meredith's settlement could be the very end of my friendship with Derek. Because, even though it's not true, he would believe that I've backstabbed him again.

Suddenly Meredith looks at me and I can almost see the question marks. Then I realise that several moments have past and we're still in the door way.

I chuckle. It seems like Meredith's rambling is slightly contagious. I step away from the doorway as she steps forward into my room. She slowly closes the door behind her.

"The neighbours don't have to witness what happens next", Meredith says with a playful voice.

"What is going to happen next?", I ask her as I try to make my voice sound as playful as her. I try very hard not to sound too needy, because right now I believe that I should let her decide the pace.
My question, however, is answered quickly when she closes the space between us and pushes her lips against mine. Softly at first, her hands gripping the sides of my face. I kiss her back gently and let my arms circle around her waist as I try very hard not to pull her too close to me. This is about her right now.
She pulls back gently and looks at me, a big smile on her lips.

"This feels good", she elaborates as she puts her forehead against mine.

"We should do it again then", I reply in my usual cocky voice, but I do not kiss her. Not yet. I need to know if she would kiss me again.
Between feather light kisses she tells me that we really should do it again. Seconds later she presses her lips on mine again, more forcefully this time. She teasingly traces the outlines of my lips with her tongue, before biting down my bottom lip gently, sucking it into her mouth. Her hands are wrapped up in my hair as she her tongue silently begs for entrance into my mouth.

I realise that this is what she wants right now, so I decide to give it to her. Because I've already been trying too damn long.
I pull her tightly to me, allowing her tongue to slip into my mouth for a few seconds, before I decide to slowly take over control. I back her against the wall, my hands cupping her ass, as I lift her up. She instantly wraps her legs around me and tries to pulls me closer. I pull my lips from her and slowly trace her jaw line with my tongue, placing hot kisses along the way. Her arms circle around my neck, trying to pull me closer.

I hold her close and slowly make my way towards the bed. But with every step I take it seems like reality kicks in more. There's a little voice in my head telling me that if I sleep with her now, I still haven't changed and I probably never will. It's also telling me that I need to be sure that it's me she wants and not just the rebound sex. For a few seconds I try to ignore the voice as I lower Meredith down on the bed gently. But the voice is right. I need to proof that I'm a changed man. Not just to Meredith, but mostly to myself. I need to know that I don't need sex to feel happy. So I reluctantly roll off her and lay down next to her. She groans unhappily as she pops herself on her elbows.

"Seriously!"

I look at her and for a second I wonder if there's a situation where that word can't be used.

"Seriously!", she exclaims again, harder this time, her brow quirked up, her face turned towards me, a confused look in her eyes.

"I can't do this. Not now. Not like this", I tell her, hoping it's a satisfying explanation.
But no, of course it's not.

"You can't do this? Why not? You can't tell me you forgot how to do it.", she tells me.

"Of course I know how to. It's just that it's a little inappropriate", I reason with her.

"You know what's inappropriate? This!", she gestures with her hand between us, "You stopping right in the middle. That's inappropriate".
I chuckle softly. I didn't think she would react like this.

"Look, if you were any other woman and Derek wouldn't be involved at all, I would have never stopped. But this involves you. It involves Derek. It involves a lot of bad history", I tell her.
She looks at me like I've grown two heads. That can't be good.

"So, if I understand correctly, this is about you wanting to prove to Derek that this is not just about sex? To prove to him that you can be in a serious relationship?", she asks me.

Okay, here it is. The moment of truth. I have to tell her the truth. It's not like she won't see right through me if I lie, so which other option do I have right?
"Yes". Now see, that wasn't so hard.

She studied in for a second before nodding her head.

"You're right. Besides, it would prove him something else. It would prove him that we both have changed.", she said as she started smiling.

"Why are you smiling?", he asked her, grateful that she understood.

"I'm looking forward to our first real date", she told him, pressing a soft teasing kiss on his lips.

"But now, we should sleep", she told him, "because you have an early surgery tomorrow".

"How do you know about my surgery?", he asked her.

"Because I'm the intern who'll be scrubbing in", she told him matter-of-factly.
He laughed out loud, pulling her down and craddled her in his arms. She adjusted herself so she was comfortable and closed her eyes.

After a few minutes Mark spoke up again. "When will you tell me what happened between you and Derek?", he asked, regretting saying it the seconds the words left his mouth.
He felt her smile lightly against his chess.

"Soon", she mumbled. "Now, sleep!".