You can sleep when you're dead

Chapter 8

Derek's POV

Her words still linger in my mind. The things she told me hurt me to the core. I can't believe she broke up with me. I always figured I would be the one breaking things up in the end. Because in the end, it's always been me who took all the first steps, it's always been me who said 'I love you' first. From the second I met her until the minute she broke up with me I have always believed that the only reason she was with me in the first place was because I was safe. She knew that I loved her and that was enough. Simply due to the fact that I have told her a million times that I was her knight in shining whatever and that I would always be there for her, because that's what guys do and the girls love it. But I guess that wasn't enough.

When I walk into the hospital all heads turn to me, like the news of the break up has already been spread around by the nurses. I wonder how they know though. A few nurses even try to flirt with me, thinking that I'm back on the market again. I walk straight past them, definitely not in the mood to deal with some love sick puppies. When I stop at the nurses station to pick up some files, I overhear Olivia talking to some other nurses. I can't hear everything they say, but what I do hear angers me to no extent. Apparently McSteamy and Meredith were seen while talking intimiately in a small, cosy restaurant down by the ferries. Already having heard enough, I turn on my heels and head straight to me office. I close the door way too hard, so I have no doubt that it would go unnoticed.

I'm shocked by the anger I feel building up inside of me. I have thrown my life away, eleven years of marriage down the drain and for what? For a dark and twisty fling. For somebody I thought I loved and for somebody I thought who loved me. Apparently not. I can't believe she went on a date already. Not even a day after she breaks up with me she's already falling back into her old pattern. Because let's face it, this thing between Mark and Meredith can't possibly be serious. It's just something that both of them do best. A one night stand.

Meredith's POV

I wake up to the smells of pancakes and fresh coffee. When I look at my alarm clock I realise it didn't even went off yet and that I still have two hours that I can use for sleep. But I'm already feeling restless so I hop out of bed and change into sweats and a hoodie, before making my way downstairs to the wonderful smells.

"This smells like heaven", I comment while I make my way into the kitchen, taken back by all the food on the table. I can tell by the way, but most of all by the speed Izzie's baking that something's bothering her.

Izzie briefly looks up, before handing me a plate and pointing to the table.

"Eat".

I take the plate and contemplate what I'm going to take. I decide to take a little bit of waffles and the naturel pancakes that she apparently made for me. There are only 2 pancakes on the plate, while there's a full plate of blueberry pancakes right beside it.

When I look at Izzie I can see that her shoulders are tensed up. Scratch that, her entire body is tensed. Her hair is still perfectly in place, so my guess is that she hasn't had any sleep at all.

"Everything alright Iz?", I dare to ask.

She turns on her heels and glares at me. Okay, so maybe she's not alright. Forget I asked.

"I'm fine". Her reply is steady, though layered with anger, confusion and something that sounds like aggrevation.

I nod quickly because this doesn't seem like the time to talk to her about her issues. She is definitely not ready to talk.

After I finish breakfast I quickly get dressed and head back downstairs in a messy attempt to find my keys. Izzie exits the kitchen, my keys in hand and she offers them to me without a word.

I give her a quick hug and whisper to her that everything will be ok. For some reason I get the feeling that she needs to be told exactly that.

When I get in my car I suddenly smell Mark's cologne and memories of last night fill my mind.

Last night

30 minutes and five dresses later, Meredith was finally happy with the way she looked. She didn't understand why she was making such a big deal about this and she definitely didn't understood why she felt like a giddy schoolgirl preparing for a first prom. But she dressed up anyway, putting on her make up and decided to leave her hair down.

After Mark picked her up, they had a silent trip to the restaurant, which turned around to be a Thai flavoured restaurant called Golden Garden. Apparently Mark's need for Thai food was as big as hers. She wondered if he had known about her secret addiction or that it was just a lucky guess.

While enjoying a wonderful meal of Lahb Gai (Spicy Chicken Salad) and Goong Gah Tiem (Garlic Shrimp), Mark and Meredith had started talking. First only about safe subjects, but not much longer the conversation was about Derek. Meredith told him about the moment when she broke up with him, the things she'd said, but most importantly the things she had felt. She was completely honest with him. He told her about his friendship with Derek and about the wish that someday maybe they would be okay again. In that moment that both felt like they knew each other for years already.

"Do you mind asking me why you broke up with Derek?", Mark asked carefully. "You have covered the who and where, but not yet the why", he explained.

Meredith smiled at his manors. He had been the perfect gentleman all evening and he was treating her like a princess. But secretely she wished that diner was over and that they were back in his hotelroom, finishing where he had stopped last time.

"Well", she started. "I think breaking up was one of those inevitable things. Maybe we would have made it through another few months, maybe even a few years. But I would always have this fear, maybe irriational fear, of him leaving me. It happened to Addison after eleven years of marriage. Who says it wouldn't happen to me".

Mark took her right hand in both of his hands and softly rubbed it, like he gently urged her to continue.

"I realised that maybe I've idolized my relationship with him. I have kept him waiting for so long. I've been stringing him along in my web of problems and that wasn't fair. He doesn't deserve to be waiting forever. He deserves someone that loves him unconditionately and isn't so incredibly dark and twisty like me. He's been to hell and back for me and I'm incredibly sorry for that. He's just better off without me. And maybe, just maybe, I'm better of without him too", she ended her story, tears in her eyes, her right hand tightly holding on to Mark's hands.

"If you ask me", Mark started, his voice rough and low, "Derek is a damn fool for letting you walk. And just for the record, you are not incredibly dark and twisty."

Meredith snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Seriously!", he added, before clapping his left hand over his mouth.

After paying the bill, Mark and Meredith drove home, again silently, but both with satisfying smiles on their faces. Meredith was a little confused when instead of driving back to the hotel, he drove straight to her house.

He stepped out of his car, making his way to the passenger side and politely helped Meredith out of the car and walked her to the door.

He placed a soft kiss on her cheek and thanked her for a wonderful evening.

"Seriously!", Meredith exclaimed loudly, obviously irritated. "You're not getting of that easily".

"Easily?", Mark asked innocently.

Meredith grasped his coat and pulled him towards her. She pressed her lips tightly against his and kissed him passionately. After a few seconds she let go of him.

"Thank you Mark. It's been wonderful", she said, her voice thick with passion. She almost dared him to walk away now.

"My pleasure", he answered her, his voice matching her passion perfectly. Still he managed to take a few steps back.

"I will see you tomorrow", he added, before almost quickly making his way back to his car.

Meredith stood in the door until he had driven of before stepping inside.

For once she felt genuinly happy. She could only hope it would last.