Love Letters I Never Sent

Letter #1: What's On Your Mind?

I watched you sigh for the 6th time as we witnessed the sun begin to end its routine for the day. Your expression seemed blank, staring at the picturesque view in front of us. The sky looked like a painter's glorious masterpiece with yellow and orange streaks scattered everywhere along with the last bit of the sun's rays. Though it did look mesmerizing, I couldn't help myself but be distracted by your distracted figure beside me. Despite your current absentminded disposition, I couldn't help but still be in awe of you as if you're mesmerizing than what's currently in front of us.

Well, it's true. The glorious sunset might be in its full glory at this very moment, but my eyes could only take in the magnificence you unconsciously emit just by standing here beside me. You probably wouldn't know about this at all. Your insecurities and flaws might be the only things that would be highlighted inside that mind of yours. To me, however, you're flawless. I wouldn't say it out loud. In fact, when you're with me, I get too speechless so I tend to be quiet around you, which is a first for someone like me who has a lot to say.

But I like the silence if it means just standing here peacefully with you.

I looked at you again after being distracted. I saw you sigh. It's the 7th time. I wanted to ask about all the possible things that you might be thinking of. Was it the anxiety that's eating you up for an upcoming defense? Would it be the games you were dying to play when this semester ends? I couldn't really tell. You were always just silent about your struggles and your vulnerabilities. I could only just read you from this distance because I didn't want you to open up unless you really wanted to. I didn't want to pry with something so personal for you especially if it's something you didn't like telling others you're not comfortable with. 

Though I wish you could trust them with me. I might have a lot to say but I would love to hear you out, especially you. I would love to listen to everything you would say. It didn't matter if it would be incomprehensible. It didn't matter if it would be disorganized. It didn't matter if it was wrong or right. I just wanted you to speak to me about anything. I wished you would learn how to trust me with what's on your mind. If not now, maybe one day.

But it may also never happen, I guess. There's that possibility.

You suddenly looked at me and smiled warmly. The same kind of smile you would give to everyone who knew you. Your eyes seemed soft now too. The very same ones people would like to associate with being dreamy. The same ones I fell in love with. 

I returned your smile without a word, waiting for you to say something. Yet not a word came out. You focused back to the sun almost out of sight. The sky's turning into a gloomy blue hue with just a sprinkle of yellow and orange visible. At that moment, it was my turn to sigh, the first time that I did. I had come to a realization that brought a sense of contentment with me. Even if I wanted to know what's inside your head, even if I wanted you to be more outspoken with me, even if I wanted to listen to whatever you might want to say, I thought maybe somehow just knowing you're existing here with me was enough for now.

We're enough for now.