you are a memory | hyunlix

3. fourth of july

BARGAINING
"shall we look at the moon, my little loon? why do you cry" sufjan stevens

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i should have asked to go watching stars with you, hyunjin. you always liked watching stars.

i should've agreed to going to italy with you, when you asked if i was sure you should go alone. you seemed so excited to go, i wasn't sure if i was going to make the trip more fun for you. or more stressful. but i should've agreed.

i would have gone to the art museum with you, i would have listened to the same music on repeat for the flight. i would have done anything with you. i would have gone on the boat ride with you, made sure you had a life jacket on.

i should have taught you how to swim.

i should have... i was going to teach you, the first day we went to the beach with the rest of the boys. but by the time i learnt you didn't have a singular clue on how to swim, we had been called to eat.

i should have told chan to wait for us, i should i have taught you at-least the basics. 4,000 people accidentally drown. i should have known this. i should have rushed teaching you how to swim.

what if i had called you? before you boarded the boat? would you have stayed behind to continue to talking to me? would you have wanted to talk about the latest troye sivan song?

i should have recorded our calls, the way you were so happy about everything you did. i should have recorded them, so that now, i could be listening to them. i should have recorded an audio of you singing, your voice was always so gorgeous.

i should have said no when you said you were going to italy. i should have told you we could find something to do together, we could have gone to watch the firework show tonight. i should have.