Spring Break Fever: Rosé

Chapter 10: Confessions

"What..." You breathe out, your voice fragile and terrified—just hoping yous had heard her wrong. "What did you just say?"

They're looking at each other now, and Rosé's trying to figure out how you're reacting to all of this, but she can't. And she's scared too because she planned on keeping this all a secret until the day she died if it meant she could just be there for you and help you and show you that someone does care for you. And if that meant she had to love you through all of it silently, then so be it.

But she failed. Miserably.

"I love you, Y/n/n," She professes again, this time in a shaky whisper. Her voice is trembling, and she can feel the tears spilling down her cheeks, and she's trying to stay brave. Because even though she's crying and shaking through it, it's still the most courageous thing she's probably ever done in her life, because it's the most she's ever had at stake. "I...I think I have for a while now, and I just didn't realize it."

Both of you are still and wordless, and Rosé's heart is pounding, and she wishes you would just say something—even if it was in anger—because anything would make her feel better right now. She just can't take the silence or the terrifying air of uncertainty and apprehension in the room.

"Say something," She pleads, standing still as she waits. She feels like there are hundred-pound weights strapped to her ankles that are forcing her to stay in place, but she knows it's just the paralyzing fear that's surging through her. She can hardly even breathe. "Please, Y/n/n. Say anything."

"I don't know what to say," You swallowed, your voice low. You were in shock.

"I'm sorry," She utters out, her chest heavy. "I shouldn't have said anything. I wasn't going to; I just...I couldn't help it. It was stupid."

Silence again. And this time feels worse somehow because it's awkward and terrible, and it's everything she was petrified would happen if she told you about her feelings.

"Are you okay?" She asks, stepping forward. You flinched as she got closer, and her heart broke as she retreated.

"I'm confused," You stood up, taking in a long breath and pushing your hair back as you looked out the window. "I'm really confused."

"Look, I didn't...I didn't plan on getting feelings for you, okay?" She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to come up with something to say to make this all better. She isn't sure that's possible right now, though. "I actually went on that trip with you thinking I was going to get back and hate you more, you know? But I didn't. I fell in love with you, even though I tried not to."

"Shut up, Rosé," You breathe out, still turned around with your back facing her. But you were looking at the floor now, shaking your head. Then you turned around, and you were looking at her like you were about to freak out. She knows it's hard for you to hear that word—especially directed towards you. "Just...stop talking."

"I can't pretend anymore, Y/n/n," She presses, swallowing thickly. "I'm tired of pretending, and I'm tired of holding in my feelings, and I'm tired of acting like having sex with you didn't mean anything to me. Or kissing you or faking with you didn't, either. Because it did—all of it did. And even before I knew I was in love with you, kissing you and even faking to be with you felt right."

You looked at her, and she sees you take in a breath.

"And I know it's sudden, and I know I'm being selfish by telling you this, but it's gonna kill me to hold it in anymore," She gulps, trying to get out all the things she imagined she would tell you if this moment ever happened. "It's just that...this is the kind of love my mom and dad used to have. The kind of love where they make you the happiest person alive just by seeing their face at the beginning and end of your day, and the kind of love that you thought was unrealistic until you actually experience it yourself, and the kind of love that makes everything—even the bad stuff—good. It's the kind of love I've always wanted—always dreamed about—but never really thought I'd get to experience because it's so rare. But I...I keep seeing myself looking at you, and it's how my mom and dad used to look at each other. And I can't help but think I'm finally getting to feel it, too."