Love Balm - Matt Sturniolo

Repair

Ella
I knocked on the apartment door with a knot in my stomach. The boys told me he was at home today, and since I was done classes, I decided to just head over and deal with it head on. I twisted my fingers around each other, nervously waiting for him to answer the door. Part of me hoped he wasn't home, but a bigger part of me begged him to be.
The door swung open, and he squinted into the light as if he'd been sleeping. His eyes immediately adjusted and widened, realizing it was me.
"Hey," I said, feeling incredibly shy. He had no shirt on, and I'd never seen him without one before. I was momentarily stunned.
"Hey, Ella," he said in a sleepy voice and opened the door wider to let me in. His hair was a disaster, and still made him look good. The house was dark inside but the light from outside silhouetted him as I walked in and glanced back at him. He was beautiful even shadowed in darkness.
"Thanks," I whispered. He shut the door, turned to walk past me into the house, and I followed.
"Do you want something to eat?" He asked, heading to the fridge. I raised my eyebrow at him.
"Yes," I admitted. We were silent for a long while as he made us food. I cleaned as he went and grabbed the plates and cutlery. We worked around each other in silence but with ease. If it was anyone else, the silence would be awkward, but nothing was ever the same with him. We were relaxed. I could feel his relief at sharing a space with me and it matched my own.
When we sat down, he sat at the end of the table, and I sat on the adjoining corner. I sighed as I picked up my fork, and suddenly his hand shot out to hold my wrist. I flicked my eyes up to his and saw sadness in them, also matching my own.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"I know," I exhaled, twisting my fingers in between his. "So am I."
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I didn't mean for you to go through this," he said, running his thumb along the back on my hand. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."
"I know that too, and I'm not upset," I admitted.
"Well you ghosted me, so I'd say you were upset," he said, looking into my eyes. His dark hair framed his pretty face, and his blue eyes looked directly into my soul.
"I was definitely upset," I laughed lightly. "But I saw Chris and Nick earlier...they helped me see your side."
"Hmm," he thought on that as he started eating. I was pretty hungry so I started too.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about..." I got stuck on my words, uncomfortable. "My...whole...money situation." He swallowed.
"That's what you're sorry for?"
"Of course, it's embarrassing...for both of us," I responded, looking down at my plate. He took my face in his hands and directed my sight back up to his.
"Ella, how could you think I'd be embarrassed by that?"
"Of course I think that!" I fought back my tears and lost. "Look at your life," I exhaled. "You live differently than I do."
"Listen to me, alright?" He grabbed my chair and shuffled it directly next to his, and I laughed through my tears as he brought us face to face, then took my hands. "I don't care about any of that. It makes absolutely no difference in how I feel about you, and I sure as fuck don't care about the fans opinion." I looked into his eyes and felt his honesty. "The second we met, I was drawn to you, and every moment we spend together makes me like you even more." I sniffled, and wiped a tear. The second we met, he said. "You're kind, and calm. You're interesting and you fascinate me," he admitted, wiping one of my tears. "Not to mention you're bad as hell." I laughed out loud at that, and he laughed lightly too. "I'm serious, Ella. You're awesome, I'm so fucking lucky I met you. I don't care where you came from. I like you. And you're here with me and that's what matters," he exhaled, as though getting that off his chest was a relief. "It's kinda wild you even like me back," he said, growing serious.
"Come on, you're gorgeous and you know it," I said, giving him a look. He sat back and gave me his crooked smile.
"So that's all I'm good for, huh?" He said slyly, digging for more.
"I mean, it's a lot," I joked. He placed his hand over his heart as if I'd wounded him, but still wore his crooked smile. "But of course there's the whole part where you care about my life..." I leaned closer to him as I spoke, "you care about my opinion...," he watched my lips as I spoke, "and you make me feel heard." He leaned forward in his seat, placing one hand around the back of my neck, the other on my thigh, slowly bringing our faces closer, and ran his nose along mine. Electricity shot through my spine, down to my core, like it had when he'd first done that in the library.
"Fuck, I'm crazy about you," he whispered, and pressed his lips to mine.