my pitiful self

me

Lately I've been losing momentum on my state of reality

I feel a surge of pain fluctuating back and forth along with the waves

I don't understand myself

Jealousy engulfs me and I lose all rationale

My tears begin dropping one by one down my reddened sockets

This overwhelming amount of pain

All caused by you

Yet like a moth tending to the flames that ends their pitiful life I desperately want to be with you even if my body decays in the heat

I want to chase after the light you emit even if it leaves my body bruised and my soul broken

I hate myself

I hate myself

My cowardice disgusts me

My emotions controls me

I can't feel like me in my own body

I fear I worry I cry

And the cycle repeats day after day

Exhausting me

As I write i continue to cry the pain my heart bears

I want to blame and dump all my pains on you, the one that caused them

But reality knows better than anyone else that all this pain is the product of my petty, insecure self

I know I possess no value to you

I know you can replace me any other day

I know you will ditch me once you find someone better

All this I know deep within and engraved into my brain

But, like an helpless idiot. I keep wanting to embrace and give love to the very thing that destroys every part of me

A lunatic in trapped in a repeating timeline of fruitless love

I know I am a boring human being

Dry Texter, lame reactions, saying things at the wrong time

But. I want to be able to obtain you with all my flaws present.

A maniac with no bravery. No matter how much I try to deny it. Truthfully, that's what I am.