my pitiful self

me. 2

I've recently found myself stuck in a never ending loop of glancing at my phone's screen.

My emotions confuse me.

A quiet sadness that I could never rid

A text from you freezes me. Bliss and fear arouses.

My boring soul disgusts me.

My emptiness makes me hurl.

My flavourless responses makes my head ache an incurable pain.

I gaze out my window, at the clean sky. Wishing to become free of my mind and soar into the endless blue. Free from my lack of expression, surge of unfathomable depression.

My brain, unable to comprehend anything.

Your colourful questions disperse into nothing but a sea of white paint when it enters my mind.

I once knew, a cheerful girl, full of passion for life, brought laughter into everyones day, slowly turn into a repulsive beast that bewails her lament into her decaying skin and flesh, wishing for the death of everyone.

Is it puberty? The rebellious phase every teen goes through that my mother detests? I don't know.

All I know, is that my existence is ultimately meaningless.

A dream I've had ever since I was a young girl, was for someone to see me as their priority. Value me like I am a precious jewel. Give me all their love and attention. An unachievable, childish dream which I can only pitifully fulfil in my vivid imagination in the deepest of nights 

I want my world to only love me. I want my world to only attend their gaze at me. I want my world to only give me their most ear warming laughter. 

Am I selfish for even bearing these thoughts for a split second? 

sincerely, to me darling. you are my world that only exists in my imagination. 

I remember the feeling of the light vibration your voice carried. a soft, enigmatic tune your words spoke. I want every part of you to exist within me. 

a formation of a twisted love spirals out of control from a young girl, whom questions her entire existence and whom is unable to express her vibrant mind.