Smoke On The Water | 18+

Chapter 16

Word Count: 1,439

"You can't avoid her forever." Mangas tells me. I sigh heavily, petting Faith for a bit of comfort while I think of a response that isn't horrible.

"If your mother abandoned you, would you seek her out?" I question. He purses his lips but then nods his head. I raise a brow in disbelief.

"So you're saying I should go talk to her?" I ask. He nods his head again. I roll my eyes.

"And say what? Hey, do you remember me? I don't fucking think so." I spit at him. He moves from the entrance of our tent to sit beside me.

"No, I don't think that's what you should say. But you haven't left the tent for anything besides bathing in the creek before everyone wakes in the morning. It's not healthy." He says seriously, his eyes full of concern as he attempts to take my hands in his.

I jerk my hands away and stand up quickly.

"Then what do I say, Mangas? Huh? Am I supposed to just catch up with her like we're old friends? Am I supposed to respect her as my mother after all this time?" I question as I begin to pace. 

"Maybe. If it were me, I'd want to know what happened." He tells me calmly, watching my frustrated antics.

"Well, I don't. She abandoned me, and she never even came looking! You don't know what I had to go through, Mangas!" I shout. I know it's loud enough for others to hear, because the chatter outside dies down as soon as my shrill voice flies through the breeze.

"What did you have to go through?" He asks me. I want to lash out and hurt his feelings, but I know it's only because I'm hurting, myself. I sigh.

"I can't rehash all of that, right now, Mangas. But if she wouldn't have left, I would have never been brought to the brothel." I tell him.

He doesn't speak for a while, but when he does, my anger doesn't dissipate.

"You are right, Evelyn. But you deserve to know what really happened." He insists. I scoff at him as tears line my lower lashes.

"I deserved to be loved, Mangas. Protected. Cherished." I cry to him. He reaches out and grabs my ankle to halt my pacing.

"I agree, Evelyn. I do. But I believe she did love you. Maybe this was the only way for her to protect you." He explains.

"Maybe at some point she loved me. But you don't abandon the ones you love. Especially not your own child- your own flesh and blood." I sniffle. He grimaces as the weight of my words sink in, but he nods his head.

Faith's hackles raise when she hears someone approaching.

I should have known it would be her before her face came into view, but I'll brush it off as wishful thinking that it wouldn't be the one face I don't want to see.

"Um... Evelyn?" She questions from outside the tent. I don't reply, glaring at Mangas. He had to have told her to visit me today. His eyes hold a bit of guilt, giving him away without words.

"I do not wish to speak to you. Or be around you, at all, for that matter." I tell her honestly. She looks hurt, her blue eyes swelling with tears as she gazes upon me curiously.

Mangas turns to look at her, but decides to throw me to the wolves by leaving our tent entirely.

She takes a step inside.

"I did not say you could enter." I spit at her. She cringes as though my words were a whip, but she doesn't retreat.

"I... I know you don't want to see me. But I wanted to tell you that I did not abandon you." She tells me, her tears beginning to fall. I glare at her, unfazed by her crocodile tears.

"I don't believe you." I tell her, watching her every move. The anger I feel deep in my spirit has me ready to attack her, as sad as that is. I am ready to attack my own mother.

She lets out a small cry at my response before wiping her face hastily.

"Listen to my words before you respond so harshly." She tells me. I nod my head once, signalling for her to speak.

"When we were in the woods, searching for a new home- I was abducted while bathing in the pond. It was white men, from Boulder. They drugged me, used me to fulfill their twisted desires, and then dumped me in the woods to die alone." She tells me, gaze fixed on her feet in shame.

Unfortunately, I'm very aquatinted with the shame she faces.

"Well, you're not dead. So what happened? Why did you never come looking for me?" I ask her, the pain in my heart more visible than I'd like. She takes a moment to respond as her tears threaten to render her mute.

"I thought you were dead. Those men kept me for weeks, and when they dumped me I laid in the woods for a long time- waiting to finally die. I prayed for death, to be reunited with you." She tells me, sharing her truth.

I can't accept this.

"But you didn't know I was dead. You thought I was dead. Why did you think that?" I question. She sighs heavily.

"Those men said they had killed you, and buried you in a shallow grave." She tells me quietly, fiddling with her fingers to keep from looking at me.

"Eknath is the one that found me, Evelyn. He never hurt me, or did anything against my will. The tribe accepted me, because I started teaching them the ways of Europeans. Like the English language, mannerisms, sayings, and what was going on in our world before it all went bad." She explains.

This comes as a slight shock. I remember Mangas telling me that a woman had taught them English when he was young.

"So, while I was being raped every day in that godforsaken brothel, you were with the tribe playing house?" I question, my eyes hard on hers. My question causes her to break down into sobs. She attempts to approach me, but I hold my hands out and stand up, not wanting her to get any closer.

"I wasn't playing house, Evelyn! I was trying to move on from my only child's death!" She tries to reason with me. I scoff at her.

"I wasn't dead, though! I was taken to a brothel! I became the Wonder of the West, men travelling for days to take what they wanted from me! I had no one to protect me- no one! If I wasn't cleaning shit, or vomit, or cum- I was being raped! Probably by those same fucking men!" I shout at her, approaching her quickly to get in her face.

"If I would have known you were alive, I would have come for you!" She sobs.

"Maybe. Maybe not. You never even tried to find me- or what remained, if you really did think I was dead. To think, you didn't even want to see the spot where your only child was resting forever. If I was dead, you would have never even laid flowers upon my grave." I say to her angrily. She seems to be at a loss for words, recognizing the pain I've been subjected to. Faith begins to growl, and it send me over the edge.

"Get out. I am done speaking to you." I tell her. Her spine straightens, and her face grows blank before she turns and wordlessly leaves my tent.

Though I thought I wanted her to leave, when she actually does, I'm left with the familiar emptiness in my heart.

After all this time, I wished she was alive somewhere. Little did I know that the only thing I would feel so strongly when looking at her very alive face, is the sadness of abandonment.

Mangas enters our tent once again, only to find me crying quietly. I don't want to express the extent of my grief, because it's not like he would understand anyway.

"I assume it did not go well." He says quietly. I can only glare up at him wordlessly. The painful lump in my throat has made it nearly impossible to even consider speaking, right now.

He sits down next to me, petting Faith. She lays her head on his lap, enjoying the comfort he's giving after the tense situation that just unfolded in front of her innocent eyes.