banana milk and cookies│k.sj + j.jk

forty-one

"try dating me, then," jungkook responded to which seokjin couldn't help but chuckle.

"you're a funny guy, kookie. obviously, dating you is—" seokjin stopped talking when he heard his phone ring and checked the caller id.

"joonie, what's up?" he heard seokjin say. for a while, he glanced away, heart pounding so loudly inside his chest.
"yes? prof needs help? should i come, then? sure. yeah no, they should handle it pretty well. i did say to double check for any corrections and let me know asap. sure. bye," seokjin hung up and looked at jungkook.

"so sorry, kookie. our professor needs help with something and he asked several of our class's group for assistance so i gotta go too," he said to which jungkook nodded and smiled.

"thanks, bye!" as soon as jungkook closed the door behind seokjin, he breathed a sigh of relief. what was seokjin about to say, though? jungkook pondered as he sat down. was he about to say that dating him isn't something he sees himself doing?

to occupy himself from doing nothing, he started researching about himself; what he identifies himself.

because he's sure as hell he isn't straight.

he checked every definition and noted what they mean and if he feels the same way. and for the first time in such a long time, he got to know himself a little better than he used to.

before, he just went with the flow, didn't mind anything at all, emotions and feelings just everywhere. he didn't know what he wanted, and that's speaking to every aspect in his life. from his work, his college degree, his feelings, who he is, and what he wants and what his plans are in life.

but seeing as how much effort he's putting to get to know himself more and identify who he really is, it kind of inspired him to put a little more effort to plan for his goals, see what he can do, and maybe organize his life once step at a time.

and for a moment, just a moment, a thought occured to him. fleeting and still unsure. like a thought just lingering somewhere in his subconscious.

if he did confess to seokjin and he rejects him, he's potentially gonna lose a friend of so many years.
but it's better to lose his friend than to lose himself.

jungkook wondered what that thought mean. is it literal? is it an anxious thought? he didn't want to lose a friend, obviously, but he didn't want to lose himself either. he's been trying his best to know himself more so why will he loosen his grip now?

whichever is the better to fight for, anyway?
a love with no assurance or a self that he's still working on?

whatever the answer is, he should be confessing soon. it won't be long till their graduation and he just wants to get his feelings out of his chest.

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a/n:

hi, suji here!
so sorry i haven't updated in a while, i recently graduated from college just this june so i was really busy with a lot of stuff. i may/may not update frequently since i'll be busy yet again finding work to feed my ass bc i can't stay unemployed in this kind of economy lmao.

we're also nearing the end of this story so i hope you all stick with me until the very end.

while you wait, i have a lot of stories to keep you from being bored. you can check them out on my profile!

a lot of ppl may notice i changed usernames in wp. i'm uncomfy using my previous username and felt like my current one reflects me more. also yes, hi, my name is suji!

thanks and see ya on my next update.