banana milk and cookies│k.sj + j.jk

forty-two

to some, the world seems like it's all falling into place.

most especially the seniors are finally graduating soon.

but to jungkook, what is falling into place for him? his future is all so blurry. he couldn't decipher what he wanted and he's so unsure if he's on the right track, or at least the track he really wanted from the beginning. he has so much going on that it feels so hard to catch up with his own life. questions of identity, of unsureness, his future, his feelings, and if what he's doing is what he sees himself doing in the future.

for some reason, the whole university seems restless. so many people walking back and forth, so many happy faces. is it really the school or just the excitement of finally moving onto the next step in your life? jungkook wondered what it would be like for him.

for years, he was always the one going with the flow, no idea where the tides will go. he just kept closing his eyes and continuing to let his body go where it seems to be going. but now that he tried to open his eyes, he feels so lost. like the waves brought him in the middle of an open sea, no island in sight. the ocean is so deep below him that the idea of sinking and drowning terrified him. where should he go?

he wanted to ask namjoon about his dilemma but he didn't want to bother him. he looked stressed all the time so jungkook decided to keep to himself. the least he could do is let his poor cousin get some sleep because god knows how much headache namjoon keeps getting from university.

so he asked the next best person he thinks could help him.

"what was that?" taehyung asked, not glancing up from his phone. he has been playing nonstop for the past hour, playing a new game recently released on mobile.

"how do you manage to even play games despite so many schoolworks, dude?" he asked, visibly dumbfounded with taehyung's dedication to playing games on pc and even on mobile.

the two were sitting by the bench near the quadrangle. they had a five-hour vacant period and decided to spend their time to relax. they both played a moba game taehyung recommended to him and now the two of them are addicted to this game, albeit a little too stressful due to "stupid players who know nothing about the game and just spams whatever button they find funny" as taehyung said before. jungkook stopped playing after an hour to rest his eyes while taehyung continued to play.

"i don't know either, bro. i just do," he answered and almost whacked his head out of frustration when his character died. "what a fucking idiot—oh, keep spamming recall, you piece of shit. you're screwed," he said, brows furrowed seeing the enemy team's adc spamming the teleport icon on him. jungkook couldn't help but chuckle at his frustration.

somehow, it makes him jealous how carefree and easygoing taehyung is. no matter how difficult the subject is or how stressful schoolworks are, he still finds a way to still be able to enjoy the things he loved doing.

"are you not afraid of the future?" jungkook suddenly asked out of nowhere. obviously, taehyung couldn't answer him until he was done with the game which was a few more minutes left.

taehyung put his phone on sleep and looked at him.
"of course it does. it really does. i'm afraid that my mom would see me as a failure if i don't finish my degree. i'm scared that when i pursue the things i want without having any money, i'd go broke and end up not doing anything at all," despite taehyung answering simply, the inherent fear of failing reflected in his eyes.

"do you not plan to work?" he asked taehyung.

"as an employee earning a minimum wage? nah, fam. not a chance," tae answered. he then asked him what he wanted to do and taehyung answered he wanted to be a streamer.

jungkook couldn't help but smile. 
"but you have to work first to buy a good pc and a few games," taehyung nodded.

"yeah, there's that but what else can i do? haha. i just have to work till i can be comfortable enough to play games and earn from there,"

jungkook wondered what he wanted to do once he graduates. what's there for him? what does he even want to do in the first place?

"it's hard knowing we have to figure things out to make stuff less stressful for ourselves," he said after a long while of silence. he sighed, looking ahead at the freshmen rushing to and fro.

"we don't have to figure things out as soon as possible, kookie," taehyung answered, laughing, "why don't you let yourself figure things out slowly and learn from every outcome of your own decisions? all the adults look like they've figured everything out but in reality, they're just as clueless as anyone less navigating this life. a lot of people fail a lot of things, others are just lucky to get it the first time. so who says you can't fail over and over again and not try and try?"

taehyung's right. what's he all worried about, anyway? the future is still so distant. he can't achieve everything for now but he just has to make sure he works enough to be able to live a comfortable life.

"y'know what," jungkook said, "you'd make a good streamer in the future, bud," he said to which taehyung blushed and agreed.

"hell yeah, i will. you better watch my content, bro,"

life will take its course no matter what he does. his anxiety shouldn't beat him and in the end, whatever happens or what decisions he makes, everything will be okay for him.

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a/n:

hi! long time no update here. so sorry for the long delay. i was busy with a lot of things (having to look for a third job after not being regularized in the last, getting one and then working again, drawing, and even playing this moba game: honor of kings lol).

i wanted to showcase the realism in a student's life in university as well as the anxiousness for a future that is yet to come, since it was something i experienced as well back in college. it was a real struggle not knowing what program to take and what work to look for since i couldn't afford to take the program i wanted to (veterinary field or opthalmology lol). i had to take the next best thing i know and am familiar with: marketing management. i should've took entertainment and multimedia computing instead but i wasn't aware what the program was at the time i had to pick what to take).

the real struggle comes after graduating and i found it difficult to find what job was for me. working in a bank at a toxic environment nearly drove me insane and thank god i wasn't regularized there. i looked for another work and found myself working at a university library only for the boss and another employee talking bad behind my back and so i wasn't regularized for the second time. i know i wasn't the best person at learning and that i make mistakes here and there. moral of the story: sometimes working hard isn't the answer. sometimes, the workplace and the environment itself is shitty and you could do nothing but to leave and find another job to feed your ass. the only solution is to keep going no matter what happens and rest when you need to. trust that everything will work in your favor sooner or later.

anyway, sorry for the sudden lore drop and trauma dump lmao. thanks for reading and still being patient despite me not being able to publish as consistently as i used to.

see yall on the next update!