Perzys Āeterña | Hope Mikaelson

Chapter 16

Everyone wanted the dirty details.

"There aren't any to give," said Rhysaenya for what felt like the millionth time. "I like him, want to see where things go."

"I just don't believe that," said Raf, mind blown by the idea of Rhysaenya not having any further gossip for them. "You just liked him and then... nothing?"

"We kissed once. And it lasted a very short time because we got shy."

"I have seen you inhale a Philly Cheesesteak after a session of you playing Call of Duty and screaming at the television and then immediately turn around and ask Jed to meet you in your room in front of everybody. You don't get shy about anything."

"Well, I got shy about this! Besides, why are we even talking about this?! It's not the biggest problem of the day."

"Hey, to me, it kinda is. Josie and Lizzie can handle where Jade and Wendy are going after this. They want to turn over a new leaf; shouldn't be too hard to get that done. It's your first day back here. I want to know more."

"You are so nosy. And so are you, MG!" She waved at the doorway, where she could sense him hiding and eavesdropping. "I said to Raf the same thing I said to Kaleb and to Jed and to Lizzie and to Hope." She packed up her books. "And I'm about to say the same thing to Dorian, who is bound to ask me the same frickin' questions."

"You understand why we're meeting today?"

"Yep," she said, lifting her legs up as she laid down on the couch in his office. "Emma helped send me to the prison world so I can't meet with her. I don't necessarily blame her, but it's okay..." She buried herself into the couch, finding it comfortable. A nap would be nice. But Dorian wouldn't let her get out of their mandatory therapy session.

"Who do you blame, then?"

"I blame Dr. Saltzman. And myself. I can acknowledge that. He shouldn't have tried to control everyone's fates this way– even as a Headmaster he doesn't get to play the role of the Father, enacting justice on everyone. How could he have opened this school to help children and just decide when the world doesn't need them anymore? My friends were convinced that I was dead because of him. He instilled in them a sensation of grief that wasn't fully real. It's wrong. That being said, I shouldn't have killed that jogger. She didn't do anything to me, and I was just upset. I can't be ruled by my emotions. No one should; there is right and wrong and I know that. I guess I still don't see it the same way everyone does. I was taught to get things done. Sometimes keeping people safe involves hurting others. I wasn't made to feel bad about that."

"You mentioned the 'Father,' which, to my understanding, is one of the faces in the Faith of the Seven. Is that what you were raised with?"

"To fit in. We didn't believe it, but we understood it, and a lot of the phrases stick. I believe in justice, in keeping a balance, in preventing future bloodshed. Killing certain people could have prevented a lot of awful things. I didn't mind having that on my conscience; it never bothered me. But I was told not to. And I hate being told what to do. And I often think that if I'd just been allowed to do certain things like the adult I am, we would be a lot better off. I may have much to learn but I do not believe I can learn it by being restricted. Dr. Saltzman told me... no, don't kill, it's bad, whatever. You know what MG said to me? Hey, Rhysaenya, think, maybe that Triad guy had a family, maybe he was brainwashed, next time take a moment to consider that. Sebastian, I didn't think we should trust because he was forcing his way into people's minds. Ryan, I wanted to hurt because he manipulated Josie. Both of them, I know a bit better now... and with that experience of not killing them of my own volition, I got to see things differently. But I can't– I can't just sit back and pretend it doesn't piss me off when everyone is like, do this, do that, don't do this, especially don't do that. I lost a thousand years of my life to Malivore, I was alone with my thoughts and I know how to process things, I just do it differently and I don't need even less control with someone barking orders in my ear."