I stared at the book that Emily has wrote.
Her last book that has not even published to the media.
Yet even without the popularity, it still serves as the most beautiful book for me.
I started to write something to the last page of the book. I don't know if she did it in purpose to leave a blank page with it, but I know that she is waiting for my reply.
"Hi Emily, you said in this book that you would want me to live and love another woman."
"I-I'm sorry, Em."
"I would never love another woman. Si Emma lang ang anak ko at ikaw lang ang asawa ko." Even if both of you are long gone,
You two still stayed in my heart.
"Hon, please forgive me for everything."
I realized that I couldn't do it anymore. I'm tired.
"Will you really be the donor for my wife?"
I smiled and nodded my head.
In truth, I do not know him.
I actually don't even imagine that I would sacrifice my own life for others. I was a fucking selfish man.
A fucking bastard that hurt his wife.
"Oo naman. I am still in awe. Mahal na mahal mo ang asawa mo." I said to him.
Inggit na inggit ako. Nandiyan siya para sa asawa niya, he can support her no matter how hard it is.
It's something that I failed to do for my wife.
"Yes. Mahal na mahal ko si Liana. I wouldn't even know what would I do once I lost her."
"Alam mo bang may mahal na mahal rin akong isang tao?" I said to him.
"What happened to her?" Nagtatakang tanong nito.
"Uhm, my wife is dead along with our child." Even saying those words was hard to me.
It has been three years, and yet, the pain can still hurt me this deep. Ilang taon akong naghintay at nagbabasakaling panaginip lang ang lahat.
Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit pa ako nag tagal ng tatlong taon. Maybe, it was because of her image and Emma that made me think that they are real.
Even if they were just in my dream.
"I-I still regret it. A-Alam mo bang inggit na inggit ako sa'yo?"
"Because you are with her when she's fighting for her own life. Kasama ka niya. You both are fighting.
Pero kay Emily, instead of assuring her that everything will be alright by the time that we lost our only kid,
I blamed her for everything. I ignored her. I made her feel so unwanted.
I even cursed her dream as a writer. But all along, those are for me. For us.
"B-But I was never there for her. Nalaman ko nalang nung sinabi niyang, mawawala na siya." Tears continually escaped from my eyes. "A-and, I was too late.
"Emily just gave up her life and.....and I was left alone. Iniwan nila ako.
I am so scared to be left by anyone before. But now, the scariest thing that I had experienced is being left alone by my wife and daughter.
"She could've chosen to consider her operation.
Hindi sana siya matatakot. I could've console her when she's still scared. I could've wiped the tears that she has suffered when she knew that she was dying.
I smiled pitifully. That's why I am not regretting anything. Hindi lang ang asawa niya ang mabibigyan ko. I am also a donor for others that badly needs it.
I am ready to die for her.
"Pare, 'wag na wag mong sasaktan ang asawa mo."
"Love her. Treat her as if she's the most precious and fragile thing on Earth."
Because that's the thing that I failed to do for her.
I don't even know if I can meet her once I lost my life, or if even I have the right to be with her in my afterlife..
But if ever, if ever I couldn't meet her there, I just hope that I would just lose my conciousness.
And be gone without regretting it for thousand of years why I can't be with Emily.
I really hope that atleast with that, God will grant it for me.
