I was holding her hand in the hospital bed. She's in a coma state.
Sabi ng doktor, hindi na gagaling ang asawa ko.
..No. she will be fine. She will be fine. Pinangako niya na hindi niya ako iwanan. Noon pa man, kahit anong pagtaboy ko, hindi talaga niya ako iniwanan.
S-So why would she now?
I kissed her hand. "Hi hon. Isang linggo kanang
tulog."
"Please wake up. Bawal mo munang sundan ang panganay natin ha? K-Kasi, gagawa pa tayo ng masayang pamilya. It's okay if we can't have our own kids anymore."
"After your operation, we will consider adoption. Kahit ilan, hon. Kahit ilang anak ang gusto mo." As long as it would make you happy. Marami pa tayong mga pangarap na hindi pa natatapos.
Nagbabadya na namans mahulos ang mga luha ko.
"My Emily, I'm sorry again. Ang dami ko kasing oras na sinayang 'no? I could've used that time....to spend happy memories with you."
"S-Siguro, hindi kana susuko. You'll probably take that risk and we will fight together. Paano nalang kung gumaling ka? Paano nalang kung pwede pa?"
Tuluyan na namang nagsibagsakan ang mga luha ko na kanina ko pa pinipigilan.
Why did it turn out like this? We were once happy.
Meron gang problema pero naaayos agad.
I stared at her almost lifeless body. She lost a lot of weight. The smile on her face was gone. The lively and talkative Emily is no more......she lost herself now.
And it's because of me. Palagi nalang ako ang inuuna niya. It's aftermath is about me losing her.
'I love you. So much. Please open your eyes again, Emily.
"Sabay pa nating babasahin ang nobelang sinulat mo. Hon, let's read that together and fall inlove again.
"Let's start over again. Mamahalin ulit natin ang isa't isa ng paulit ulit. We will never give up on each other...a-and, kung ayaw-mo-man, It's okay."
"It's okay if you will choose to leave me. That doesn't matter now, Emily. As long as you'll be fine. Okay lang kahit hindi na ako ha?" In the very first place, you don't deserve me...Emily.
"Atleast, even if it's not me, I can still love you from afar. Makikita parin kita kahit gaano kalayo. Just survive and everything will be fine."
I kissed the back of her hand with full of love and longing.
Noon, isang araw ko lang nahagkan ang anak ko.
Pero sobra akong nasaktan sa pagkawala niya at umabot na rin ako sa punto na isinisi ko sa kaniya ang lahat.
Kahit na wala siyang kasalanan. Alam kong hindi niya kasalanan pero siya parin ang isinisi ko sa nangyari.
I thought that it's the most painful thing that I would experience. Ang mawalan ng anak.
Pero mas masakit pala 'no? Mas masakit mawalan ng asawa. Realizing that she would soon be gone in my life feels like I'll die too. With her.
Kung mawawala siva sa'kin ikamamatay ko iyon.
umabot na rin ako sa punto na isinisi ko sa kaniya ang lahat.
Kahit na wala siyang kasalanan. Alam kong hindi niya kasalanan pero siya parin ang isinisi ko sa nangyari.
I thought that it's the most painful thing that I would experience. Ang mawalan ng anak.
Pero mas masakit pala 'no? Mas masakit mawalan ng asawa. Realizing that she would soon be gone in my life feels like I'll die too. With her.
Kung mawawala siya sa'kin, ikamamatay ko ion.
Wala ng matitira sa akin. Wala ng Emily. Wala na ring saysay ang mabuhay pa.
I hugged her tight. "I-I want to hear your voice again, hon."
"Please don't be too cruel. Huwag mo sa'kin gawin ito."
