A Nameless Song: Remembrance

Not Tomorrow

Why? After everything I've done what I had done to deserve this? I questioned as I stood outside on the balcony leaning against it as I watched the sunrise, signifying a new day, bringing hope to those who see it, but to me it's just nothing more than a painful reminder of what I had lost...what was supposed to happen today. Today was supposed to be one of the best days of my life, of our life as we continued on with our relationship, furthering it and moving on to what others would've expected to be the 'next step' in our lives. It was something that I'd wanted to have for a while even before we had gotten married, and something that I honestly felt myself actually excited for. I know it happened months ago, but I still just can't help it, I just can't for it no matter how hard I try I just can't. I remember how much I used to bug him about this, and he always brushed it off, saying things like, "We're not ready.", or, "Are you sure about this?", every time I asked. I remembered I told him I was never more sure about it, and I could see how anxious he was and hesitant he was about it all, and I knew why, and I tried to remind (Y/n) that he wasn't like him and that he was a much better person than he would ever be.

I laugh a little bit as he asked me if I even knew how that whole thing even worked, and I thought it was cute seeing him act all flustered about it, especially after I told him I did. "Come on (Y/n) please?", I asked him as he still looked extremely unsure about this still, "Mumei, this is something that is a lot of responsibility for both of us, and-", he starts but I interrupted him, "I already know this, and I honestly think that the both of us are ready. Trust me on this, and besides I already know how much you want this, you talk about it in your sleep.", I say to him as he gets a bit embarrassed by this, "I talk in my sleep?", he asked. "Yeah and quite a bit honestly and it's cute and-", I began before stopping myself and realizing that I had gotten off-topic, "That doesn't matter right now, (Y/n)...", I say softly as I force him to look at me, and I gave him a gentle smile, as I knew how nervous he was about this, "Listen to me, you aren't like him, and you've proved time and time again. You're better than him and this is something that I don't want you to miss out on because of him.", I tell him as his eyes met mine. He knew I was being serious about this whole thing and he knew that I wouldn't actually force him to do something like this if he really wasn't ready about this, but deep down he and I both knew that he really wanted this, as we have talked about it before, albeit in a less serious manner but stilled talked about it.

"God there really is no way for me to say no to you, is there?", he sighs as a small smile forms on his face as he gently grabbed onto my hand, "Alright. You win.", he says as he stares into my eyes, his eyes full of both excitement and joy as I heard the words leave his mouth, "Let's be parents.". I remembered how excited I was to hear that, and I still laugh at his expression when I told him, "Let's get started.", before dragging him off the couch and into the other room, as he was extremely flustered and shouted, "Wha- Now?!?". He really didn't expect that one, and I still like to tease him about his reaction to that, but despite that and after months and months of trying nothing happened. Every day I checked, and nothing, nothing was happening, I didn't know what I was doing wrong, and I was frustrated about the whole thing as (Y/n) tried to comfort me about it, telling me that it just takes time for these things to happen, and I tried to be patient I really did, but nothing changed. I felt as if something was wrong with me, and I just didn't know what to do, everything I tried just didn't seem to work, and at a certain point I just felt myself give up, believing that maybe it just wasn't meant to be, and I felt hopeless...

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Until...

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"Mumei are you okay, you don't look so good?", Fauna asks as I hand her some tea, "I'm fine.", I tell her as she looked at me, and I sat down beside her. Her eyes never left me as she looked incredibly concerned, and I couldn't really blame her since I haven't really been feeling all that well these past few days, and earlier when I looked at myself in the mirror I looked really really pale, and sickly. I didn't really think much of it at the time and thought that I probably caught something, which despite what people will believe I still get sick too, anyways I was surprised that Fauna wanted to spend time with me today since she really doesn't like being away from the forest. Kronii probably told her what's been going on recently and Fauna being Fauna was probably just really concerned about the whole thing and just wanted to check up on me. "Are you sure you're okay?", she asks as I look at her taking a small sip from my cup, "I'm fine, probably just some cold or something.", I say to her as she shakes her head, "No not that, you know what I'm talking about.", she says as she looks at me a worried expression on her face, as I started to feel really uncomfortable and hot, "Anything new Meimei?", she asks as I go to respond, "No nothing, just like last time.", I say to her disappointingly as I watched as a sad smile appeared on her face, "I'm sorry to hear that, I know how much this means to you, and I wish you nothing but the best, but things like these take time, and we don't even know if we can even have childre-", she goes to say as I was to going to interupt her, "Don't say that, you don't kno-", before stopping.