Sexy Pornstar || Kim Taehyung ✓

36

Taehyung's POV

Y/n walks out with her friend and my smirk fades. I drop my head low, clutching my aching chest. Tears trickle down my face and I try to breathe but it only leads me to struggle in between my sobs.

I fall off the recliner, collapsing on the ground, and slowly crawl toward the glass pieces that are scattered on the other side. I grip my chest which is clenching from the inside as if something is ripping it apart.

I reach out for the glasses to hold them so that the cuts in my hand could numb the pain in my heart but Yoongi kicks me away from there. "Don't be a fucking moron, Tae." He says in a monotone.

I look up at him but fist my hand, glaring at him with my blurry vision. "She's taking revenge. Of course, she will after what I did to her. But it's aching me, Yoongi. I can't do this. I can't see her in front of me but with hatred filled in her eyes. I thought I could but now that I do, I feel like dying," I choke on my tears as my raw emotions are getting the upper hand over my mind.

I rip the last few of my buttons and curl on the floor, hugging myself to calm down with my own warmth. The technique that my therapist suggested to me and I use it every night when I have a breakdown while thinking about Y/n. "You broke her heart first, Taehyung. You caused this all upon yourself—"

"I fucking know it, Yoongi! You, Jimin and Jungkook keep reminding me about that every single day for the last 8 years! It's printed on my mind!" I roar at him and he sighs, eyes softening.

He bends down and extends his hand to wipe his thumb under my nose, only then do I feel the blood running down from it. "Are you getting your traumatic attacks again?" He asks but I shiver, shaking my head.

He pulls my head on his lap and strokes my arm and head. "You know, I'm your cousin too, right? Just trust me, Taehyung. It'll be fine. Sleep for now. Close your eyes. I think you need to visit the therapist later today. You don't look good." He says, stroking my head and I tremble.

"She hates me," I keep chanting in my mind, crying silently while closing my eyes. "Sleep," Yoongi says. "She won't love me again."

"Sleep, Tae. I love you, Tae." I smile recalling Y/n's words in my mind and bury my face in Yoongi's lap as I fall into a deep slumber.

"But Mama, I love you," the five-year-old me pleads but my mother pulls my hair back and I groan while crying. "Your dad says the same thing even after cheating on me every night. I love you. I love you. I love you!" she screams through gritted teeth.

She pulls my hair more and I whimper while screaming in pain. "You tell me I love you as well. What if you also throw me away in the future?" she questions me with a smirk on her lips and turns to look at the door of the locked bedroom of my father.

"So I will just end all of us. Three of us. Together. Let's end this game of 'I love you'." she says with a psychotic laugh and then pushes me away to the ground. She looks around the ground that's covered with kerosene oil.

She lights up the matchstick and smiles at me. "I love you, my son," she says and my eyes widen when she drops the matchstick on the floor, the carpeted floor instantly catching fire.

I scream, moving back towards the big window, not daring to turn back to my mother. I stand in front of the window but the mansion is too big to jump from this window.

I turn back and see the fire engulfing the door of the bedroom, my mother who's lost in the flames and I sit under the window, crying to myself, rubbing my ears and shaking my head. "I don't like you, Mama. I don't love you. Please, stop the fire. I don't love anyone. I don't love you. Please, stop this. Mama! Papa!"

"Aunty Min!" I scream when the two guards pull me away from her. Yoongi is trying to punch the guy but he's too small and weak to fight the men. "Hyung!" I yell, reaching my hand for him but I harshly get thrown into the car and the guards lock the door.

I cry, my lips trembling and I join my hands together, silently looking outside the window when the front door opens and my uncle enters the car. "A Kim stays under the care of a Kim," he announces, as I watch the driver starting the engine.

I thought it was going to be better to stay with him but it only got worse as he made my trauma even more painful by his abuse.

I gasp, waking up from the nightmare, and look at the therapist. "So you're having your attacks again?" Hoseok asks and I nod.

"I suggested you go for hypotonic therapy, Mr. Kim. But—"

"I don't want to risk forgetting Y/n. I'm fine staying with my trauma." I curtly stop him and he sighs. "But she came back and the same day, you had an attack."

I shake my head. "It's my fault. Don't blame her. We met a few nights before at my club too. I didn't have an attack, instead, I felt at peace when I saw her in front of my eyes." I say with a small smile on my face. Hoseok smiles slightly and nods.

"You should tell her about your trauma. I know she'll understand." He suggests but I shake my head. "She'll think I'm a coward who watched his parents die in front of his eyes. I don't want her to think like that." I reply.

"She won't." He presses but I stand up, looking down at him. "That's up to me to decide who needs to know about my life and who doesn't," I tell him and he smiles. "You really love her a lot, don't you?" He asks. I don't answer that but instead say something with a smile,

"She means everything to me. My heart is bound to her and I'm tied to her for eternity."

******************

Hope you liked the chapter. And hope you didn't cry after knowing why Taehyung doesn't say I love you.

Taehyung is inspired by me and my traumas. I don't do love because I'm scared too because of an incident with my parents. And after that, I just don't feel the emotion ‘love’ anymore. No one can make me feel loved. So one day, I hope a Y/n will enter my life and break me away from my trauma, just like this one did for Taehyung. Till then, I'll keep writing what I think love might look like through my stories. Have a good night 🩷 thanks for reading my boring talks 😴