Exposure Therapy (Jonathan Crane x reader)

Prologue

Before you proceed: This fic will not be updated on Wattpad anymore but it is still being updated on my tumblr and A03 (same username for both). (Cause also btw it didn't transfer any italics when I copy and pasted it on here 🙃)

Summary | You find a new therapist who is more than willing to help you overcome your fears.
Warnings | talks about fear of being raped, talks about fear of being pregnant and giving birth, pretty much just a content warning for their conversation, the real bad stuff is in pt. 1
Notes | You don't technically have to read this chapter, it just provides some more background for part 1.

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You anxiously sat down on the small couch, picking at your cuticles as you waited.

"Are you nervous?" He asked, giving you a calming smile.

"A little. Sorry, I've never done this before."

"It's completely normal to be nervous during the first session, especially if you've never done anything like this before." That calmed your nerves a little. "Let's start simple. Why don't you tell me why you're here."

"Um... The fears that I have are getting a little out of control and affecting my everyday life, so I was hoping you could help me get over them. At least a little bit."

"Knowing you need help and taking the initiative to seek that help is already a really good start." You gave him a shy smile at the praise, not sure how to respond. "Since this is a consultation, I'd like to know what fears you need help overcoming so I can figure out the best treatment for you. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, of course. There are two main ones. Um... being- being raped and being pregnant or giving birth." He scribbled quickly as you spoke and you waited anxiously for him to respond.

"I want to better understand you. Is it alright if I ask some questions?" He asked, crossing his hands and resting them on the notebook in his lap.

"Yes."

"Is there any past trauma that might've caused these fears?" You shook your head. "Let's just focus on the first one for now. What do you think might be the cause?"

"I guess just knowing how common it is? I feel like I'm living every single day just waiting to become part of the statistic."

"That must be pretty debilitating feeling that way. Is that stopping you from doing a lot of the things your peers do?" You just nodded in response. "And what about the other one? How is that affecting your everyday life?"

"Um..." You bit your lip as your cheeks grew warm, realizing what you would have to explain to answer his question. "It's- I don't..." Looking away from him, you swallowed thickly.

"There's no need to be embarrassed. I'm here to help you, but you have to help me understand before I can do that." You nodded in agreement, trying to force yourself to just say it.

"I'm on birth control, but I still don't feel like I can rely on that completely. And when boyfriends or whatever find out, they usually want to- to..."

"Not use a condom?"

"Yes."

"But you don't feel safe doing that?" You shook your head as you bit your bottom lip. "So it's affecting your relationships. Is it affecting you individually as well?"

"Well I mean, I... want to do that with them too."

"You have a breeding kink?" You stared at him with wide eyes, floundering for a response. He was unfazed by the inappropriate question though.

"I wasn't going to say it like that, but yeah."

"Kinks can often be coping mechanisms. Do you have any other that could be related?"

"...Cnc?" 

"Is it easier to partake in that one because there's no real risk?"

"Yeah I guess so." This time when he started writing, he took a little longer than the past few times. When he finally looked back up, he gave you a small smile.

"I think I'm going to be able to help you, I already have a few treatments in mind. Thank you for being so open with me, I know it's not easy talking about something so personal." You nodded, not sure what to say. "We can start regular therapy but in the meantime I can prescribe you some medication for the anxiety."

"Oh I don't- I don't know if I want to take medication." He passed the pen over the paper in one stroke, striking something out.

"The old fashion way then." He smiled and you chuckled awkwardly, wondering if you messed up by saying that. It didn't seem like you did? Maybe you should just agree since he thinks it'll help? He cut off your over thinking before you had the chance to say you changed your mind. "Do you think once a week will be a good start?"

"That sounds perfect."