Shadow

🚶Tay Tawan🙇

'New didn't come to work last week. I called him many times but he didn't answer once.' Off's voice was anxious.

'Why are you telling me this?' I've just finished my 3rd can of beer.

'What kind of question is that? Aren't you worried about him?' Off was annoyed.

'No.'

'Really?'

'Uh huh. Didn't he tell you last time that he wants me to forget my puppy love? I am just doing that. I am trying to forget my puppy love.' I opened the 4th can.

'Are you still mad about it? Peng!'

'Don't Peng me! Here I am trying to get close to him by any means and there he is telling me to back off. Of course I am mad about it.'

'You can sulk later. For now Listen to me carefully.'

'No.'

'Stop acting like a child! I am seriously worried about New.' Off was scolding me over the phone but I didn't want to pay any attention to him.

'Tay! I am serious!' He shouted.

'You said he went on a business trip with Leo. Ask Leo about it then.' I was staring at the white wall in front of me. Actually I am worried too. I am very much worried. I am worried to death.

'Of course I did. But Leo just vaguely answered. I think he is hiding something.' 

'Hiding what? Do you think he is sick again?' I couldn't suppress my worry any longer.

'Maybe…. Should I call Earth?'

'And is he going to tell you the truth?' I hate that man.

'Then what do you want me to do?'

'Off?' I know what I am going to say ......he won't like it.

'Hm?'

'I want to see him.' Only I know how much pain it is causing me to stay away from him.

'Peng….'

'I miss him madly.'

'I know, I know but you can't come here just yet, ok?'

'Why didn't any of our plans work out? What went wrong?' I did whatever they want me to do.

'Listen peng, Just remember what's doctor said.'

'Is it possible that he remembers everything but doesn't want to recognise me? Do you think he hates me?'

'Don't you start again!'

'I promise, it's okay if he won't love me……we can still be friends. I won't disturb him anymore. I will be happy to be just his friend. But it kills me when he pretends he doesn't even know me.'

'You are talking nonsense. New is really suffering from amnesia.'

'No no, listen to me, I think he remembered my confession and is disgusted by it so he is purposefully trying to push me away. He doesn't want to see me again. He is happy with his life.' The more I think about it the more my voice gets choked.

'Are you drunk? Tay! It's 9 in the morning!'

'So?' I started to drink before dawn. This is nothing new to me.
Two months ago I came to Bangkok instead of going back to Austria. Yes, I lied to him because the doctor we are consulting said that he needs some kind of stimulation. Physical or mental. Our last resorts were taking out myself from his sight. But without his initial strong opposition he didn't show any kind of emotions again.

'Do you think you can wash away all your worries by getting drunk? This is not the time for your meltdown. Do you hear me?' Off was shouting.

'I love him so much, why can't he love me back? Am I that disgusting?' I don't know when I started to cry.

'Calm down Peng. Don't lose hope yet. You know very well that New's situation is not good. You have to wait patiently for him to regain his memory.'

'It hurts…. So much…. When I see him with that man. I feel stabbing pain in my heart when he smiles at him. I feel like my whole body is burning when he touches him. I want to kill that man.'   

Whenever I saw him with that Earth my heart shattered in pieces. I endured and endured finally burst out when saw them kissing in the hotel balcony.

I know you don't remember me and I know too well that even if you remember, you don't love me. Still I couldn't see you with someone else.

'Tay….' 

I couldn't control my tears. They are flowing freely.

'I am losing it Peng. Please help me……'. From the day he rescued me from that bathroom I fell in love with him irrevocably. I stayed in his side for more than eight years pretending to be just friends. The day I confessed,I lost him. Now that I finally found him again I won't let him go.

After a long silence Off suddenly spoke,

'Do you want to hear his voice?'

Huh!

'Yes. Yes… please Peng. I want to hear his voice.'

'Okay. I'll visit his house this afternoon. Sober up before that.'

'Uh huh. I am not drinking anymore. I am going to freshen up okay? You quickly wrap up your work.'

'Good. Now after taking a shower eat something okay?'

'Hm. I'll eat, I'll eat.'

'Then wait for my call.'

'I will.'

After taking a quick shower I went to the kitchen and made some sandwiches. I finished it up quickly and perched on the sofa. Off is gonna call in the afternoon and it's only 11. So I charged the phone and started waiting.

At around 1 pm my phone rang. So soon! With a trembling hand I clutched it and answered ,

'Hello? Are you going to his house now?'

'Tay?'

Oh! It's not Off. I looked at the caller ID and saw 'Pa'.

'Hello Pa.'

'Are you waiting for someone's call? Should I call you later?'

'No no Pa, it's ok. We can talk.'

'How are you son? Your Mae is very worried about you.'

'I am doing fine Pa. Please don't worry about me. Tell Mae, I will call her tonight.'

'Are you still working at the site?'

'No I'm in Bangkok. But I'll go back there in a couple of days.'

'Are you eating timely? Don't neglect your health.'

'Yes Pa.'

'Tay…..I wanted to ask you something…'

'What is it?'

'Don't get mad okay?'

'What's the matter, Pa?'

'It's been more than two years…..but there is no news about him……Tay….. Don't you think it's time for you to forget him and….move on?'

I didn't say anything for a long time. 

'How about you two? Are you ready to forget him?'

'It's not the same son. We are old people. We can live the rest of our lives clinging to his memory but you are a young man…. We just wish..'

'Pa….. I can't fulfill your wish. In my heart he is the one and only.'

'But he is not here with you son…… we don't even know if he is still ali…'

'Don't! Please don't say that. He is totally fine.'

'Tay….'

'Pa….. I have to go. Talk to you later.'

'Okay son. Take care. I love you.'

'Love you too.'

I clutched my head in my hands and shook it violently.

Please Hin. You have to regain your memory as soon as possible. Pa and Mae are getting restless. They need to see their son with their own eyes. Only then they will believe me that you're okay.