the blood in our future

Once // Always

A/N: Lucy's going to get absolutely roasted in the comments again I know it. But anyway, here's Lockwood's cruel summer era and Lucy's mental breakdown era!

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Lucy's eyes stung as she dropped the letter, as she let it fall onto the sheets she was sitting on. Her hands felt numb, moving of their own accord.

"What's with you?" the skull asked her, and it sounded like it was coming from underwater. "Paper allergies striking again?"

Lucy didn't even notice herself shaking her head, but she must've, for her whole world tilted. "I can't-" she tried to say, only to find she had no breath left for any words. "I can't trust Lockwood," she heaved, finally, whilst standing up much too quickly.

She needed to go. She needed to leave, to climb out the window and never return.

But she couldn't.

If you don't stop him, he will start killing .

"Oh, have we finally gotten some common sense?" the skull asked, cutting another grimace that looked warped to her blurry eyes. "Of course you can't trust that pyromaniac with a death wish! It's what I've been telling you for ages - kill him and spend more time with me, instead!"

Lucy ignored him. She had to move. She'd been up here far too long already. Lockwood would expect her downstairs. And she wasn't ready yet to talk to him, to look him in the eye.

God, she wasn't even ready yet to fully accept what she'd written to herself in that letter.

In a desperate wish for clarity, she pulled Norrie's tapes and her Walkman out of her bag, her hands shaking as she inserted them, as she plugged in her headphones.

Had there been signs that he would change? Had George painted their relationship in too good a light? Could she even trust George, or was he in on this, too?

It didn't take her long to find bits during which she talked about Lockwood. It didn't take her long because he was all she talked about.

"I don't think he was really hurt," her voice rang out right now, strangely alien to her own ears. "Getting tasered must've been nasty, sure, they did it to me, too, but I think they dragged me in there before Winkman could do anything more serious to him."

Was she talking about some altercation with relic-men? Lucy thought she remembered George bringing up the name 'Winkman' a few times, but couldn't quite recall in what context.

"But still... I don't know, Norrie. I'm still scared for him. You know, while I was lying there, pretending to be passed out, Lockwood tried to give his life for mine so eagerly, it almost felt like it wasn't just to save me. It almost felt like he was glad to get to trade it away."

Restlessly, Lucy opened up the letter again, skipping over the words as she listened.

"I think he might want to die."

I think he's found a way to let all of his... pent-up rage scream out into the world

"And you have no idea how much that scares me."

If he finds out I know anything, he will torture me with his sources

"I've tried asking him about it, but he doesn't want to talk to me. And I don't blame him. I'm his employee, after all. His friend, at most. Which wouldn't be a bad thing, except I think he might be... more to me."

He might not just make you forget. He might kill you.

"Norrie, I think I might be in love with him. I'm in love with someone who not only doesn't love me back but never even could. Not when he's in love with death already."