It was another one of those strange days where I hadn't seen nor heard from Pan the whole night and now the whole morning. There was no surprise of breakfast this morning or lunch now but I'm sure Pan would appear eventually. "Hook?" Oh, speak of the devil. His voice was hesitant which wasn't a bad thing but at the same time made me worried but I answered him anyway. "What?" I didn't hear a verbal reply just footsteps coming towards me into the hull of the ship.
"What do you want?" I asked looking out at the water as Pan came up beside me. "I...um... I wanted to apologize for running off like that yesterday." He mumbled quietly. I gave him a raised eyebrow look. "Yes, I know. I did get your letter of apology already. "R-really?" He excitedly smiled at me. "Did you like it?" I chuckled. "It was appreciated."
"Are you angry with me?" He asked that downhearted way again like before. I wasn't angry, I just wanted to know what was going on with him and why he was this sometimes sexual person and other times he made his attempt at romance. "Yes, I am." I said not that convincing and well not really appearing angry either.
"Pan, why are you doing all this? What's the sudden interest in the romantic gestures, the unexpected sexual encounters, all the random crap you've pulled ever since I escaped that damn crocodile's attempt at killing me. What's your goal with all this? Is it your attempt at being friends? Is it something more than that? Tell me, what is it?!"
He just stood there awkwardly and shrugged. "I just want to be friends with you." He began stuttering and furrowed his eyebrows as he continued to speak. "No, that's not right, it's something else. I don't know what it's called, I just know I want it....with you." He stuttered more before he finished and it was certainly and visibly awkward for him. It was like he was trying to explain the most complicated thing in the world when I could probably explain a lot easier than him.
But it did make me realise that Pan wasn't just taking this for granted or playing a game anymore. He actually cared about this....about me? No, that couldn't be right, could it. When I looked at him, the boy looked vulnerable, confused and upset for lack of a better word. Was there a chance that the young boy was... in love?
It wasn't something I never ever imagined Pan doing and I thought if he was ever going to fall in love then it would have been with that Wendy. I never thought it would be with me, I actually never thought of anyone in love with me, I wasn't never the one people were interested in so my time and desires were filled up by cheap prostitutes so not much of relationships there.
If Pan truly did have such affectionate feelings for me then maybe things could work out easier than I thought to begin with. Maybe we could work out. Making him take me back to London and taking him with me would be so much easier. I hesitantly took a step towards him as he gave me an apprehensive look. I couldn't blame him, any time he's done or said anything has resulted in me slapping him or speaking harshly. But I was doing it anyway, I took a few more steps towards Pan and looked at him as he looked up at me with confused but pleading eyes.
"I know what it's called." I said quietly, finally closing the distance between us. I can't believe I was doing this, it was so wrong but what does it matter anyway?
I brushed my good hand against Pan's cheek and I leaned down towards him. Our their lips clashed together in the kiss.
After a few minutes I pulled away and shook my head. How was this happening? I looked into Pan's green hopeful eyes and then he looked at me and shyly looked away. "I'm sorry, about your hand. It was accident I didn't mean it I never wanted you to lose your hand." I sighed and chuckled lightly. "It's alright, it's in the past and things can change, can't they?" I smiled knowing he had asked me that question not that long ago. He smiled wide and nodded. "Yeah they can." I smiled and being sure not scratch him or hurt him with my hook I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him closer to me. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me again pulling me down to meet him.
I sighed, pulling away only a minute later and looking at him. "It's late, you should go home to wherever it is you're living now." He sighed. "Why can't I stay? I don't want to go." Well, I guess him wanting to stay with me is a good sign considering I want him to stay with me enough to take me back to London. But there was no way he was staying here just now. "No, look Pan, you can't-" "Please. Also I want you to call me Peter. I know you only said it once but I liked it."
I sighed. "Alright but you know you have to take your time with these th-" I was cut off by Peter kissing me again and I pulled away. "Look, P-Peter... These things like kissing don't actually move so fast. You know, you need to get to know each other better before we get physically involved like this. Although I think we're maybe past that stage but we still need to get to know each other. Ok, deal?" I asked him hoping he would understand and accept those conditions. "Well... I thought... I thought when you do something like this with someone it means that... um... well... that you're meant to be together forever. Like in love stories." He's actually read a story before, I'm actually surprised.
"Not all love stories have happy endings, you know?" I let go and turned around to walk away when Peter grabbed my hook. "No, I don't want a tragic love. I want a good one.....I want a good one with you."
I sighed. "Peter." I began softly. "This isn't right. We shouldn't be doing this." I know I could be blowing my chance of getting home but I had to be honest with him. "What? Why not? What do you mean?" Pan asked with a frown. "This thing here, Love, relationship – or whatever, it's not meant to be between... us." I know he won't understand but I can't take advantage of him like this just because he doesn't know anything about love or anything.
"Why not?" He looked so confused and upset. "A lot of reasons!" I didn't want to look at the devastated look in his eyes and when I did I felt so bad about this. "Like what?" Peter kept asking in that questionable worried voice.
"We're both... of the same gender." I was going to say men but I knew that would offend him so I didn't smoothly. It wasn't the gender thing that bothered me but I know what society is like and well, it ainaht good. "What do you mean?" He asked confused of course. "I mean you should be with someone like Wendy!" He huffed. "I don't want to be with Wendy. I want to be with you, so can't I?"
"Because you just can't! It's wrong! You can't force someone to be with you if they don't want to, Peter, it doesn't work like that." I tried to explain calmly, but obviously Peter wasn't having it.
"But I know you want to. You're just being stupid and I don't know why. But I know that you like kissing me, I know it makes you happy because it lets you fly, and you need to be happy to fly. So don't try to tell me you don't want me!" He shoved me back and I stumbled a little. I pushed him back in annoyance. "I will tell you, I don't want you, Peter! You're just a boy!"
"Then make me a man!" He screamed at him, eyes tearing up and it was like the world stopped. What did he just say?
