✓ IF YOU STAY | HEESEUNG

20 - Right Where You Left Me

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, but the pain in Rose's heart refused to fade. The world continued to move forward, but she felt stuck in the moment when she lost Heeseung, unable to escape the suffocating grip of grief. Every day was a battle against the emptiness, a constant struggle to find a reason to carry on without him.

Rose spent her days going through the motions of life, but inside, she felt hollow. The vibrant colors of the world that once brought her joy were now dulled, like a permanent filter clouding her vision. The sound of laughter from passersby felt distant and alien, and even the warmth of the sun couldn't reach the coldness that had settled in her heart.

Visiting his grave became a ritual. She would bring flowers, whisper her deepest thoughts, and imagine him there, listening and comforting her, but it was only an illusion. The reality of his absence hit her every time she returned to an empty home, where memories of their time together still lingered in the walls.

Harin would sit with her, hold her hand, and sometimes, they would both simply sit in silence, sharing the unspoken pain that bound them together. Rose's grandmother made sure her granddaughter never felt alone in her grief, but she also knew Rose needed her own path to healing. Even if that path seemed long and daunting.

People in town would ask her about the young man who made an appearance in her life and left like a shooting star, leaving behind a trail of bittersweet memories. She would smile politely, telling them that she was fine when the word 'fine' was far from the truth. Beneath that polite smile, there was a world of emotions that she couldn't quite express. 

How could she explain the ache of missing someone who had become such an integral part of her life? How could she explain that the lack of colors in her world was not just metaphorical but a tangible reality that gnawed at her core?

The day Rose met his family and friends, her breath stuck in her throat as she stood before them, a puzzle of memories and emotions all bundled up. They cried for him, for her, and for the love that had been lost. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you, dear." Heeseung's mother hugged her tightly as if seeking a piece of Heeseung in her. Rose felt a lump forming in her throat, but she returned the hug, tears welling up in her eyes as the weight of the moment settled upon her. She cried in Heeseung's mother's arms, wishing he could be there to wipe away her tears and hold her just one more time. His absence was a void that could never be filled, and being surrounded by his family and friends only made that emptiness more real. "He never told me he fell ill. One day he decided to leave his town and I didn't want to stop him from pursuing his dreams. But I wish I had known. I wish I could have been there for him."

Rose listened, hand clasped tightly with Heeseung's mother's, as the older woman talked about her son. Each story painted a vivid picture of Rose's soulmate, the man she had fallen in love with.

"I remember him talking about how you were his inspiration. I don't know if he ever told you this, but his passion for making dresses came from watching you be radiant and happy in your dresses." She whispered, smiling a little. "Did you get to visit his studio?" 

Heeseung's mother took a deep breath, the tears in her eyes starting to glisten. "Yes, I visited it. And I found this." She searched her bag for something before she handed Rose a notebook, its pages worn and weathered. Rose's heart skipped a beat as she took the notebook in her hands, her fingers tracing the edges with both curiosity and awe. "I think he wanted you to have it."

Those words replayed in Rose's mind when she was sitting in her wheelchair, watching the grey sky outside her bedroom window. She reached for the notebook and placed it on her lap, her fingers gently brushing against the worn cover. With a deep breath, Rose opened the notebook, the pages unfolding to reveal Heeseung's handwriting.