thoughts

"you dont know"

don't you dare ever tell me that I don't know what sadness really feels like. don't you dare ever let the words "you don't know what it's really like" come out of your mouth in front of me. no, what you don't know is what I've been through. YOU don't know what happens at school or at home or online. you don't know what it's like to go through what I've been through. I've been through loads of crap throughout my life ever since I was a baby. so don't you dare put that crap into my mind that I don't know what it's like. sadness and depression is different for everyone. some days it's worse than others. some days you laugh at things but you still feel empty. other days you're in the worst mood you've ever been in. other days you're emotionless and emotional and all over the place. other days you feel numb. you feel nothing. maybe I was in the "it's a bad day today" or "it's just one of those days" mood but it's been "just one of those days" for a couple years now. this year especially. I feel completely drowned of all my happiness but I laugh or smile and I'm considered as a "fake" and I'm told I'm not really sad. NO. YOU DONT KNOW HOW MY MIND WORKS. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DOESNT KNOW. you are the one who is being judgmental irrelevant obnoxious opprobrious rude etc. so check yourself before you wreck yourself. I may act happy but I'm not always happy. I do have happy moments where I am truly happy inside and you can clearly tell outside. but deep down inside there is a stubborn sensation of sadness and emptiness that refuses to leave. it burns and stings more than anything. especially when you're trying your hardest to ignore it but it reminds you that you have that feeling inside you. you can't just leave it, you can't stop it, it's there forever. it never goes away. I've been through tough things, yes. life isn't awful, no.. but life isn't treating me the best right now. it's tiring, exhausting, and overbearing but I'm trying my hardest to get through it and not sink. we've all been through things that are on different levels of hurt. some hurt more than others. it just depends on how much it affects you. me, I'm a weak and sensitive and overemotional person. everything ends up getting to me and hitting me hard in the end. I don't always show it, but you can tell when I'm in my full state of sadness. you can tell when the depression has hit me. you don't know how things affect me, you don't know my heart, my soul, my mind, or anything about me, or how it's a struggle to get up and go to school every morning. you don't know. YOU DONT KNOW. DONT YOU DARE tell me that I don't know how something feels. I'm pretty freaking sure I know what it feels like. every mind is different. mine just happens to be more unique or something.. I don't know. but yes I am one hundred percent sure and positive that I know how it feels to be sad. so leave me the heck alone and go one with your irrelevant self. YOU DONT KNOW how much it hurts me to have the phrases "you don't know what it feels like to be sad" or "you're faking it" or "you're laughing, so you're not really sad" said to my face, or even worse over a text message... you don't know.