thoughts

words left unspoken

Here I am once again, left bewildered. Bewildering pain, might I say, is lingering around in my presence. I'm wondering why in the world I deserve this, and I can't seem to get you off my mind.

I'm at fault for this, and you don't understand. You think I don't care, but it's reversed in my case. An immense amount of guilt is on my shoulders at the moment, as well as every single moment since you left. I know I deserve this, what I did must have been "unforgivable" to you. Except, the thing is, all I did was speak the truth. Most of the time.

I said I loved you, and meant it. Unlike...well, you. On the bright side, at least I found out who you really are inside. What kind of person you really are, the person you had been hiding all along.

However, I did damage as well. Maybe what I did wrong was, I never told you what I felt inside, I never let you know my hurt. The funny thing is, you abandoning me and shattering my heart into microscopic pieces, is hurting me more than words could ever describe. Other than that, what have I done? It's possible that I do deserve every bit of pain you're putting me through. I would still take a bullet for you, but now you're the one behind the trigger.

I guess I do deserve this. What am I saying?

If you can't be with me, then I must have done something wrong. I do everything wrong, I'm the definition of a "fail at life." I don't know why I started this in the first place. You broke me in every way, shape and form. How come you're all I want, you're all I desire, you're all I need? Maybe I don't deserve someone like you, or anyone at all.

Although, I do know one thing for sure; I deserve every bit of pain you're putting me through.

This is all my fault.

Why do I always mess up?

Maybe the reason why you left, is because of the words we left unspoken...