Fading

Chapter Seventeen

They're together over a month before Harry finally asks Louis why he'll never let Harry reciprocate any of the handjobs or blowjobs Louis' given him. Louis thinks the question would have come up a lot sooner if it weren't for Harry's complete unwillingness to ever doing anything to make Louis uncomfortable. The last month has been amazing, it still unnerves Louis how easily their lives have intertwined. They sleep together most nights now. Harry has had to stay after class to do a series of labs for his chemistry course but he comes over after dinner and spends the night. Liam and Zayn are extremely enthused about it, because Harry makes amazing breakfasts in the morning and they're just about as attached to him as Louis has become. Louis doesn't really enjoy forcing the greasy food down his throat every morning but it's worth it to see Harry with sleep rumpled curls, foggy green eyes and that deliciously gruff morning voice. Luckily he gets to slip into the bathroom to purge and get ready before they head out to school together.

Louis thinks maybe it's weird that he did a load of his boyfriends laundry this evening when he got home from school, but Harry usually just leaves his clothes from the night before behind and then they get crinkled. Louis knows Harry has to go all the way to the laundromat to do his washing and he also remembers the time Harry ran his wallet through the wash in the pocket of his jeans and ruined his parking pass. It was definitely worth being a little domestic for the way Harry's eyes lit up when Louis handed him the clean pile of clothes when he came over after dinner.

To look at Harry Louis has to go a little cross-eyed because their faces are so close together, but Harry is even more beautiful up close. Louis' cheek rests on Harry's bicep, his arms are wound around Harry's waist. The hand of Harry's that isn't under Louis' head is carding through Louis' hair. Harry's cheeks are still flushed from the blowjob Louis just gave him and Louis can't help but reach up and brush his thumb across the spot where his dimple hides.

"Lou?" Harry almost whispers in the moonlight.

"Mhm?" Louis hums.

"If I ask you a question will you tell me the truth even if it isn't something you want me to know, if you think the answer isn't what I want to hear?" Harry asks quietly.

Louis' heart picks up its pace because of the way Harry's eyebrows are a little furrowed and his deep voice is serious. He reaches up and gently pushes his fingers through Louis' fringe, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his forehead. The thing is, Louis really will try to answer honestly if he can, he really hates lying to Harry.

"Yeah. Is everything okay love?" he asks quietly, trying to sound calm despite how nervous he is.

"Yeah, of course. Just- you know I care about you right?"

"Harry just spit it out," Louis says, because he really can't handle the suspense.

"Louis do you cut yourself?" Harry blurts in a rush and Louis vaguely notes that it may be the quickest Harry has ever said something.

"What?" he scoffs, instantly sitting straight up in bed, "No! Why would you even ask me that?"

Harry sits up too, looking painfully sheepish, "I'm sorry please don't get mad. I just- if you do you can tell me, please tell me that you know that I'd never judge you."

Louis shakes his head, he's completely caught off guard, "yeah- yeah Harry I- okay I know you wouldn't judge me- but no. No I don't cut myself," Louis stammers, "why on earth would you think that?"

Harry reaches out and takes one of Louis' hands, looking down at it instead of meeting Louis' eyes, "you remind me a lot of my sister," he says so softly Louis doesn't almost hear, "just- she used to be like you. Any time someone would compliment her it was just so clear she didn't believe it, and like, she was so self depreciating."