arezoo | charles leclerc

the first.

to: charles leclerc

dear charles,

this is not the first letter i have written, but it is the first that i will send. the perfectionist in me is angry, and tells me that i should discard this one too. matter of fact, the perfectionist in me is right but a broken heart cannot be consoled by a shattered ego.

it is quite pathetic that i choose to write to you, when we both have each others numbers and numerous forms of social media. i suspect i may be blocked, but i never picked up the courage to check. i suppose my self respect has shrunk significantly since you left me. i don't even listen to myself now a days.

how are you? i hope your family is well. they always were so kind. in some ways i feel cheated out of our breakup, like i lost both kids in the divorce. i got severely conned in the splitting. i knew your family before i knew you.

i knew them so well. your sister and i went to high school together though , always joking about how leilani's older brother had dropped out to race cars at stupid speeds. you were like a ghost. i was 14 when i first heard of you, and i didn't meet you until i was 17. we didn't cross paths once, not at your house, not at the dinners, not at the parties, not even by the water.

you know those people that you only know by name and nothing more? that was you.

your sister was my closest friend, and your brothers were an added package to my own brothers. we all got along so nicely, which is why it was such a dream for them when we finally met and got together.

i miss them more than i miss you. you only lost me, but i lost so much more of you. i don't get why i had to stop speaking to them just because you didn't want me to anymore.

it is one of those things that i'm mad at you about, but i can't exhaust my hands writing down the list of things you did. my brain tricks me, counters every bad of you with the good memories that i preserve.

i remember it all, but I don't think you do. because how else could you let something so precious, so ours, go down the drain.

love,

leena.

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