Lena Loves Again

30

Third Person POV

Lena needed time to think and a break from the madness in her life. Lara and Hailey were out doing something while Alec played the piano. Lena placed a gentle hand to his shoulder before leaving the condo. She had no plan whatsoever, so she just aimlessly walked the streets. Lena's feet led her to the steps of an Irish Catholic Church. She had never been one for faith, but it began to rain, so she sought shelter.

The massive wooden doors loudly shut behind her. It was empty inside and the only light came from the candles. It was beautiful inside and Lena took her time admiring the frescos above. Lena walked to a pew and knelt down.

In her line of sight, was Christ on the cross hanging high above the alter. The gold and statues adorning the alter were beautiful. Lena cracked a smile at the magnificence of the interior design. The architecture of the building was also impressive. Her love for architecture stemmed from Tadgh. The smile slowly fell from her face as she thought of him.

"Tadgh." She spoke aloud. "I know you can't hear me, but..." Her lip quivered. "I need your help. You know me better than I know myself. So please help me."

Lena gripped the back of the pew in front of her. She bit back the tears as she lowered her head. She looked at the cross and cried out.

"How do I lover my walls? How?! I am struggling so hard. The desire is there, but I'm so weak to actually enact and follow through. Since when am I a flake?! I never backed out my commitments, but I actively do now! I can't be what she needs me to be." Lena shook.

Lena's shoulders rapidly rose and fell as she got more passionate. Tears lined her eyes and her fangs extended as she began to lose control.

"Why have I changed into this emotionless being?! I tell her words that I know will hurt her! I want to push her away! But, why am I pushing away my twin flame?! She understands me! She knows me like- like you did." Lena sniffled. "She knows my quirks. She'd know my triggers if I'd just open up about my past, but I can't. I can't be weak. No, I can't!" Lena shook her head.

Lena aggressively shook her head. She slapped the wooden pew causing it to squeak from the impact.

"I won't allow myself to be crushed again. I won't allow-" Lena stopped and began pulling her hair. "I'm trying to protect myself, but I'm shutting her out. Tadgh, I'm shutting down." She cried. "And I don't know how to start myself up again. That's what I'm missing. How do I turn myself back on?! How?! Please help me."

Lena stared at the ceiling to control her tears. Her tears were now cascading down her cheeks and pooling at the floor.

"Tadgh, I love her. And I feel shameful to say it. I feel like I'm betraying you." Lena stared at her hands. "I think that's the main catalyst for everything to be honest." She looked back up. "I feel like by falling in love with someone else, I'm betraying you. And I know you'd want me to move on and love again, but why do I feel guilty? Why?!" Her voice cracked. "I know your wish would be for me to have someone new in my life, but I'm getting in my own head. And blocking my own happiness."

Lena swallowed the lump in her throat. Her eyes roamed the room until settling on the alter.

"I fear she'll end up like you. I feel like Brody is going to be her Joaquin. He'll harm her just because I love her. So I've tried to distance myself, but I can't. And I don't want to put her in danger. Tadgh, I'm worried I can't protect her. I couldn't protect you and don't want history repeating itself. I'd need help."

Lena was quiet and closed her eyes. She'd occasionally squeeze her eyes tighter as she imagined violent ways in which Emma would be harmed.

"But, I'm not alone." She opened her eyes again. "Emma will be protected. She'll be safe this time. She'll live. She's not going anywhere." Lena then spoke with more conviction. "Tadgh, I'm going to stop living in fear. I'm going to get her back." She then cracked a smile. "You'd have liked her. She's like you..." Lena then thought for a moment. "Tadgh, did you put her in my path?" She smirked. "You slimy dog and your games." She chuckled. "I love her and thank you for teaching me how to love. I'll love her the way you loved me. Rest in peace, my husband."