Her

Chapter 5: Birthday Continued

       We went into Cassidy's aunts house and for some reason Mary came in to? She said hi to Cassidy's aunt and then greeted all the cats, she must be a family friend, but that would be absurd, I probably would've met Xander before now if they were, but then, they hugged. Mary and Xander hugged, and it wasn't just that, but the look in their eyes. I knew they wouldn't kiss in front of me, Xander was better than that, but what a CUNT. WHY was Xander with this 30 year old and not me? I am clearly the better option in the over all look on the matter. This is tucked up. She didn't even have to tell me in this moment and I knew. I felt sick to my stomach, I wanted to go out back and fucking shoot myself in the head, tonight was not going to go at all how I had imagined it might.
When I was imagining tonight, when she told me I could stay I figured that meant we'd talk, or more. I wanted her to realize that we could try again, that it wasn't a horrible idea. I thought we might kiss and make up and it could continue in the direction it was going.
But no. Tonight, we got there and did nothing. Xander walked me into the woods so I could smoke. She didn't, but I didn't care. I wanted to fucking forget how horrible this was going to be before it happened. From what I can remember, I smoked two bowls and then we went back and fell asleep very far away from each other and then I woke up at 1 a.m. realizing I needed to shower for school. I woke her up for help turning the shower on and a small part of me hoped she'd join me, remembering what it was like to shower together, how it felt, but she didn't, she left. So I showered alone and hoped her creepy step-dad wouldn't come in. Then I went back to sleep until the morning where her mom drove me to school alone because Xander was waiting for Mary.