The Last Avenger [What If...? x DCAMU Crossover]

3. My Life as a Weapon

Indiana Stark, A.K.A. Tony Stark's little sister, became the deadliest woman known to man.

And there came a day unlike any other, when Earth's Mightiest Heroes found themselves united against a common threat. On that day, she joined the Avengers.

This is what she does now that they're gone.

That's all you need to know.

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Kiss me once, then kiss me twice
Then kiss me once again
It's been a long, long time

That song seemed to haunt me as it played over the speaker. The air inside the diner was cool, the AC protecting us from the sweltering night-time heat. I scanned the area for possible exits, security cameras, and hidden weapons on the regulars as I pretended to read the newspaper. Looking over my shoulder was second nature. The old fashion diner had a black and white checker-ed floor, and red cushioned stools.

It kinda reminded me of S.H.I.E.L.D.s Barbershop Headquarters.

The tables and booths were all topped with silver napkin dispensers and salt and pepper shakers. Neon signs hung on the walls along with record cover like Michael Jackson, Queen, The Beetles, Elton John, and Kiss.

Yelena's shift was almost over, then I'd be free to go home and sleep like the dead. It was Gotham, I wasn't about to let her walk home alone, and besides there was just something special about diner food.

"He saved my life once," Yelena said, looking over my shoulder at the blurry picture of Batman in the paper. "You can eat him with a spoon."

"Aye, ah ken he was quite something," I said, letting a bit of Scots into my voice.

A bell dinged in the background as an order was ready to be taken out, but Yelena ignored and slid into the opposite of my booth. "Everything alright English?"

"Scottish," I corrected. My birth father was Scottish, and I took his name when I came here. Indiana had died with the Avengers. "And Ah'm fine, Yelena, if ye dinnae count work."

"Boys at I.T. giving you a hard time?"

I rolled my eyes. "Na more than usual. It's just... Ah cuid be daein' more, ya know?"

Yelena smile and sighed. "I had an audition today, uptown. Took three trains, got two bars into, Is you Is Or Is You Ain't. They gave me the hook. I guess I ain't." She shook her head. "We all got to pay our dues, even if it takes a while. You got talent. It's just a matter of time before Broadway calls."

"Ah can't carry a tune."

"Doesn't matter when you got legs like yours."

I smiled a bit at that. The bell at the door rang as two customers came in. I recognised them instantly. Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson. I laughed a little to myself, they must have come here as Batman and Robin because there was a notice behind the counter.

Notice: Batman
Please leave supervillains at the door.

Dick must've been in town and dragged Bruce down here. They took the two farthest seats from the door at the counter. Yelena smiled at me and wiggled her eyebrows when she caught me staring. I was starring, but not for the reason she thought.

"This is supposed to be a BLT? Where's the girl?" one of the regulars asked rather loudly. He looked over his shoulder and noticed Yelena. "Oh, I'm sorry. Do you not work here anymore?"

Yelena huffed and walked over. "Da, sir. How can I help?"

"You do know the difference between real eggs and powdered ones, right?" he asked.

"Believe it or not."

I could see Bruce and Dick watching now, and I shook my head at them.

The regular arsehole carried on. "I did three weeks in a P.O.W. camp in Afghanistan. The Taliban fed us better than this."

He was a small man, shorter than me, wider too, he was around fifty and he was soft all over, even soft in his face. A softness I could beat if I had to. He'd never gone hungry a day in his life, let alone gone to war.

He handed Yelena the plate of eggs. "Next time, don't get smart with me sweetheart. Your brains aren't your best feature," he said and slapped her on the ass as she turned away.

I waited until Yelena had disappeared into the kitchen before, I got up and approached him. I laid one hand on the table over his fork. And for my next trick. "Ah ken ye'r not happy with yer meal."

"You work here?" he asked.

"Unfortunately, no," I said, pressing the fork into his side in a way that neither Dick or Bruce could see. He grunted in pain. "Just so we're clear, this is pressed into yer brachial artery. It may be dull, but I'm determined – keep smiling – Once you start to bleed, you'll lose consciousness in fifteen seconds. You'll die in ninety unless someone comes to your aid. Now, given your recent behaviour, how likely do you think that is to happen? To prevent this not entirely unfortunate event from occurring, I suggest you find a new place to eat. Do we understand each other?"

"Yeah," he groaned.

"One more thing, tip generously." I pulled the fork away and stood by the counter as he quickly pulled several fifty-dollar bills and then left. I nodded at Bruce and Dick. "Gentlemen."

It's a little juvenile, I admit – but I've wanted to do that for a month. Now I'm going home and I'm going to sleep like the dead.

Meme of the day