Workshopping

4. Dammit

Donnie's POV.

Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I say that?
Why did I have to ask?

In the past two days, I've gotten better, but Michelangelo hasn't. He hasn't come out of his room for anything other than basic necessities. He doesn't speak to me other than a quiet hello, and that's only when we do cross paths.

I didn't know that one question would make him shut down so badly. Have we really disregarded his emotions for this long? Have we never asked how he felt?

I feel like shit, this sucks. How does Mikey do it? How does he stand to be alone this long? Even for me, this is too much, and I usually like my alone time.

I have my routine, and I have the chores around the house, I check up on Leo (Mikey's done a surprisingly good job in taking care of him), and when Mikey comes out, he makes Raph and himself food, but then it's just me again, with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company.

Which isn't great..
I don't have time to get lost in my thoughts, because I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder.
"Donnie? Haven't seen you in a while.. how are you, bud?" Raph. Omigosh, it's Raph.

I haven't seen Raph in months.
I whip around and envelope him in a hug, best I can with his immense size.

"Raph! I'm so sorry I shut myself away, it was just so overwhelming and I didn't mean it but I'm trying to get better, I even got to have cake with Mikey a couple days ago but I screwed up and he shut down and he won't talk to me and he's not eating enough and I'm so so sorry-"

"Whoa, buddy, it's okay. Slow down, take a breath," Raphael interrupts, and I'm kind of glad he did, or I would've broken down. "Why is Mikey upset? Can you tell me what happened?"

I take a breath, three seconds in through my nose, four seconds out through my mouth. Again, and again.
"Okay," I say, feeling a bit better, "so, a couple days ago, Mikey and I baked a cake, and I helped because his arms and hands have apparently been shaking for months.

And then we were eating it in perfect, undisturbed silence when I just asked if he was okay.

I know it was really out of the blue, and probably caught him off-guard, but I didn't expect him to shut down like that, and now he pretty much won't talk to me at all."

I look up at his face, almost meeting his gaze as he looks at me, his eyes clouded with concern and fatigue.

"Oh, Donnie. I'm sorry, but I promise you didn't do anything wrong. Mikey's been on his own with all his thoughts, and questions, and worries, and no one has been here to help him.

It's not you Donnie, it's his head just getting to him. It's okay. You're fine. It'll be okay. You understand?" Raphael looks at me with a mix of concern, sternness and drowsiness, but his gaze is so soft all the same.

"Okay. Yeah, I understand." I respond with the best smile I can muster. He returns it, which makes me feel that little bit better about it.

"Okay Raph, you should probably go to bed, before you pass out right here." I comment, walking away only to come back with a banana. I stick it in his hand with a little pat on his shoulder.

"Okay, I'll see you later Don." Raph calls over his shoulder as he lumbers away to his room.
"See you."

I take a deep, deep, breath. Okay.. I just gotta.. Talk to him. Walk into the room, and have a chat. It shouldn't absolutely destroy anything.
I.. at least- I think so.