Story of my lives||LeeJooyeon||

7

"Get out." My voice is cold, harsh as I throw his stuff into a bag and outside of the front door. I can't even look at Seungmin as he rushes to get his clothes back on. The girl I caught him with long gone, and I couldn't care less where she went off to. I practically destroyed what used to be Seungmin and I's shared apartment trying to find everything of his to get it out. It was hard as everything I saw made me remember a special moment that transpired between us. All the laughs we shared, all the sweet things he would tell me, all the promises he made were now lies. Everything was a lie and I hated him for it.

"Please let me explain Scarlet." the sound of his voice makes me aggravated. The way he was pleading with me makes my throat close up on me as I felt hot tears flood my eyes, partially blinding me. I shake my head and look down while scoffing.

"I don't want to hear it and I don't want to hear you." I try to hide the mild quivering in my voice that this whole situation had caused. His feet against the tiled floor became louder as he grabbed my arm and violently pulled me to face him. I look up mortified as he'd never been harsh with me like this.

"I said let me explain." His eyes pleaded with me, but his whole demeanor scared me. He looked like he would hurt me if I didn't listen to what he had to say. Pulling my arm away from his harsh grip I took a few steps away from him, confused and hurt by his actions.

"You cheated. I have nothing to say to you." I can't help the tears that flow from my eyes and down my face. I avoid eye contact with him as I focus on the wall instead. I hear him sigh and through my peripheral I see him run a hand through his grey hair before chuckling bitterly.

"I love you." A new wave of emotions hit me and my senses like a tidal wave. Before I longed to hear those words from his mouth whenever we were together. Those three words used to fill me up with so much happiness that I couldn't contain, but now I didn't feel happy or loved. I felt betrayed and lied to. Those words didn't carry the same meaning as before. The love I once felt for Seungmin had vanished, almost like it never existed.

"You're such a liar." I couldn't see properly and the only thing I could focus on was the hurt in my heart that was only penetrating deeper with every passing second. I always thought being heartbroken couldn't actually happen. I thought it was an exaggeration to say the heart can physically hurt from a breakup, but now I knew what they meant.

It's like my heart stopped beating and in place of what used to be alive and full of so much emotion, now, was drained of everything it once held and now was a deep and dark void. My chest felt a thousand pounds heavier and everything was crashing down on me all at once. I wanted to scream and cry all at once.

I watch as he stands there acting like nothing happened, like he was expecting me to forgive him and continue life like normal. I couldn't do it. It became hard to breathe as my tears never stopped. The walls began to close up on me making me feel suffocated, trapped; I needed to escape. I had to get away from him, but the thought of leaving him somehow hurt even more than his betrayal.

"Scarlet, please don't cry." His arms reached out and made their way around my body. I brought my hands up to his chest and pushed away at him continuously, wanting him to get away from me before I decided against my better judgment and let him stay. Unable to say anything I keep pushing him away with all the force I could muster up and small grunts of protest left my mouth.

"I hate you Seungmin."

"No, you don't. You could never hate me." His fingers brushed through my hair sending unwanted chills up my spine as I cried even harder.

"I hate you" I say in a mere whisper. My hands now rest on his chest as I gave up with trying to push him away, enjoying his embrace, knowing I shouldn't. I felt his lips touch my forehead before he stood with me still in his arms. He carried me to our bedroom and laid me down and brought the covers over me. I shook my head trying to get away, but he pushed me back down.

"We'll talk about this later okay." With that he retreated back to the living room. I fell asleep with tears still streaming down my face. We never did talk about it later and he never left. As I slept he brought his stuff back inside and cleaned up the mess I made in my fit of rage.

This was the first of many times he would let his infidelity get in the way of our relationship. Every time it was with a different girl, and every time I would forgive him.

'No you don't. You could never hate me.' His words echo through my head. He was right, I could never hate him. Instead, I hate myself for letting him back into my heart every time he breaks it more. Slowly it all became routine. I should have been stronger and leave him, but I couldn't. No one could love me the way Seungmin did.

Yet another lie I fed myself and made myself believe.