A Lucky Break

Struggling

Hayley's POV:

The last couple of weeks have been hard. We have won out last two games but I have failed to keep a clean sheet. So much so that I had been on the bench for out league cup game against Chelsea that we lost 4-1. I have also been struggling mentally with the added COVID precautions as England starts to bump up their restrictions again. I didn't think I'd be struggling so bad but with my friends and family living out their everyday lives in New Zealand it's hard to feel like I'm not missing out. Adding those things together and I was feeling a bit down.

Although I thought I was hiding it well I think Leah is starting to catch on as she has started inviting me to her mum's or grandma's house whenever she goes. I don't like to intrude but she insists that I'm not and that getting out of the house will be fun.

We are making the 40-minute drive up to Milton Keynes when she brings up the topic, "You alright?"

"Yeah," I sigh bluntly.

"You know I know somethings wrong when you say it like that. You can't hide your emotions from me," she says. When I don't answer and look out the window so she won't see my glassy eyes, she pushes further, "Spill."

I sigh again, trying to find the right words, "I don't know, I guess I just don't feel like myself, if that makes sense."

"It does make sense but why don't you feel like yourself. What's different," she asks.

I continue to look out the window so she can't see the tear roll down my cheek, "Just feeling a bit down."

"Have you talked to anyone else about it," she asks.

"Nah," is all I reply with.

"Do you think maybe you should? I can get you in touch with Sara," she offers, talking about her psychologist.

"Nah, I never know what to say in meetings like that," I explain. "Plus I think it will blow over soon."

"It will blow over a lot sooner if you talk about it. Just talk to me, like we normally do. What's changed from a few weeks ago. Don't bottle it up," she offers.

"I think it's the restrictions starting to come back. I don't want the same thing to happen like last season," I explain half the truth.

"We've had those meetings. No matter what, the season will continue behind closed doors like it already has been. We will still play. There's something else you're not telling me about," she pushes.

My lip starts to tremor as I can't hold back the tears, "It's stupid."

"I'm sure it's not if it's got you this upset," she says gently, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"New Zealand isn't in lockdown," is all I say. Leah's smart, she'll be able fit work out why this has got me down, I'm sure of it.

She looks over at me quickly before moving her eyes back to the road, "You feel homesick or you feel like you're missing out?"

"Maybe a bit of both," I admit.

"Anything else," she asks.

I sigh and take a moment before replying, "I just feel like they have forgotten about me over there. They are back to work and studying but we are stuck at home. They can go out on the weekends and have parties and post all about the things I'm missing out on. They have time to do all of that but they haven't even offered to call and catch up. All I have at the moment is football and I'm not even doing that right."

"I'm sure they haven't forgotten about you. If it's like you said and they can go back to work and school then they are probably just trying ti sort out there routine again. As for the phone calls they probably don't know what's a good time to catch up, give them options and I'm sure they would make time. But what makes you think you can't play football," she questions the last part.

"My job is to keep the ball out of the back of the net and I haven't been able to do that," I explain.

"You don't need to get a clean sheet every game to prove you're a good player. You showed through summer that you work hard and that you play your best when you are in a good mood. I think if you talk to someone about that, bring you mood up then the clean sheet will come," she explains. "Even if it's just me you talk too," she says with a smile.

-

After my chat with Leah I take her advice and the next morning I get on FaceTime with Jemma.

"Hey girl, long time, no see," she says as she picks up the call.

"Yeah it's been a while," I say.

"God it's been crazy over here, trying to sort everything out. Some stuff is online, some stuff is in class. I'd ask how things have been going over there but looks like you've been killing it," she blurts out.

"Wait, how do you know that," I ask taken aback by the last statement.

"We try to get up and watch your games," she explains excitedly. "It's been crazy waking up in the middle of the night. We get popcorn and everything as a midnight snack. Then we have to nap in the afternoon because we are tried but it's soo worth it."

"I thought you had forgotten about me," I admit.

"Oh my god, how could we do that. Do you really think we would do that. It's the only time we know we can see you now days and- Oh Tyla's home. Hey Tyla, look who it is," she yells out.

I see my friends face pop up on my screen, "Ahhh no way, we miss you. You are killing it over there."

After a short chat before needing to get ready for training I am already feeling better. I walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water where I find Leah waiting for me so we can leave. She notices the shift immediately, "Someone's in a good mood."

"Yeah I just got off a call with Jemma. I think I was being a bit dramatic," I laugh.

"It wasn't dramatic at the time. You were just over thinking it. I knew it was nothing to worry about," she explains before standing up from the dining table. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah, as ready as ever."