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Chapter 5 EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS

Lazy stretching right after waking up in the warm soft bed, what could be better. I didn't want to open my eyes, I tried to prolong the minutes of peaceful bliss, remembering the passionate night. It was almost noon on the clock. Curled up and staring into space, I continued to lie down. Waking up, I felt happy and a little empty.

I reached out my hand to the right side of my bed, nobody was there. I forced myself to get up. For a moment, still not cooled down after an exhausting night, I almost lost balance. The speed of sudden movement made me dizzy. I had to stand still to sort out the pile of thoughts and cope with the frequent palpitations. I hoped to see Carmen, but she was nowhere to be found. Only a light scent of her perfume hung in the air.

I went to the bathroom, turned on the water, and stood under the refreshing shower. I felt the warm water enveloping my body. After waking up, all my memories of the sweet past night flooded me with an exciting stream. Yesterday evening seemed like a magical dream.

Maybe a fleeting night is bad for someone, but I had no regrets. We both knew that nothing would come of us, considering how difficult it was for us to have a conversation yesterday. Neither of us told each other much about ourselves. All these unspoken things did not prevent us from enjoying the night and each other. I was not even particularly upset that I knew so little about her and was just attracted to her beautiful appearance. But it was so pleasant to remember the storm of emotions and burning sensations that brought me to a semi-faint state. Passion and no obligations.

The fire of excitement and deep tremors remained in my blood. All this painted pictures of last night before my eyes in the brightest colors. After a moment, they began to fade. That evening, its significance, everything became pale. All those feelings that filled me disappeared somewhere. It was so strange, I felt like a child. I desperately wanted to try a new candy in an unusual wrapper. It tempted me and made my imagination play out the possible taste. But when I had eaten it all, there was nothing left but memories. Yes, it was delicious and I liked it, but I would not buy it again. Perhaps one day, passing by it, I will remember all those feelings that it once gave me, and that's it.

Perhaps it was selfish of me, but I couldn't command myself to feel differently. Maybe that's why I tried to distance myself from her. Deep down, I had a feeling that everything would turn out this way.

In a couple of days, I have to go back home. Before leaving, I have to visit a special place. Three years ago, my sister and I came there together. I remember insisting that we take the nearest flight, which happened to be to Boston. I wanted to comfort Zoe because she had just broken up with Vincent. I didn't know the reason, or who ended the relationship, but she was hurting. I saw her pain, and I desperately wanted to help her.

When we arrived, the first thing I did was rent a car and take Zoe away. We drove all around the city, but I only managed to distract her once we were outside of the city limits. That's where I went.

I parked the rental car and checked my pockets. I had a flashlight, a thermos with hot tea, and of course, my mobile phone. Sunset was still far away.

The forest evoked a feeling of peace and comfort in me. In that feeling, all my sorrows vanished, the unpleasant things were forgotten, and at the same time, I became more alert. My hearing and vision sharpened, and my memory became more sensitive.

The forest greeted me with a horrifying silence. I could even hear my heart beating. What else did I expect to hear in the middle of winter? Birds singing? The forest was somehow different. Nothing was the same as the winter when I came here with Zoe. I remember that time there were actually birds singing. Of course, not loudly and a little bit, but they were singing. Now everything was different. Maybe the changes weren't in nature, but in me. My perception had changed.