Under and Over Stimulation

Under Stimulation

A lot of the time, people stim without realizing it.

Stimming is seen as something a lot of neurodivergent people do, but really, anyone can do it, with or without realizing. From biting your nails to listening to a song over and over and over, to flexing hands and humming; a lot of the time, we all stim. It's part of being human. Neurodivergent people just tend to do it more often, make it more noticeable.

Understimulation is also a lot more common than you'd think. Half the time, we aren't bored but rather understimulated, needing to expel energy that has been built up: pacing, puzzles, cross words, hand motions, dancing, working. They're all ways that we get rid of understimulation.

And when Izuku is looking up at the fan above them, watching one blade spin and spin and spin, Katsuki knows he needs to step in. Sometimes, when understimulated for too long, Izuku has an internal meltdown, one where he just stares and thinks and has this look that Katsuki has grown all too accustomed to. Currently, an All Might movie is playing on their TV, and that's how Katsuki could really confirm what he was missing. He is taking in the words, he is listening, but he isn't listening. He's hearing, almost. Izuku loves having subtitles on because they helped him process the words, and even though Izuku could practically say every line in this movie, he still looked at the subtitles. He liked reading each word as it played, liked seeing the movie as a background and the words almost as an audiobook. Katsuki may not understand it, but he knows it helps Izuku. So he always has them on. Except now, they aren't on, and Izuku isn't listening to the movie, isn't watching and analyzing, looking for new things to ramble and talk excitedly about to Katsuki even if half the time Katsuki is completely lost. No, he's not doing any of that.

Spin, spin, spin, goes the blade. And look, look, look, goes Izuku's eyes. His hands are slack, his body is slightly hunched, his head is leaning against the back of the couch. It all screams how much he needs some form of action, even if it's something as simple as playing with his hands or someone else's hands, or rocking back and forth or chewing or just something. But he had nothing. No thoughts, no movement, no nothing. His eyes look almost glossed over, and that's when Katsuki gets worried, because his eyes normally only gloss when he's close to an internal meltdown and he doesn't even realize it's a meltdown because it's just so natural and has been his whole life.

So, without thinking, Katsuki steps forward and sits on the couch next to Izuku, grabbing the remote. He chooses to temporarily ignore how Izuku does nothing from the weight of his body and the silence of the movie as he opens up Youtube. He goes to the search bar, hoping the click click click of the remote and the letters registering isn't disturbing him, but he knows in the end it'll help anyway. Only when he's finally typed in "all might unreleased anime opening" and clicked on the song they must have listed to a million times—loop on—does he turn to Izuku who is still watching the fan spin, spin, spin. Katsuki snaps in front of Izuku's eyes twice, watching as they slowly look over the hand that has stayed in front of his face. His eyes finally start to lose their gloss, and when a tear runs down his face, he knows Izuku's back and the gloss is gone. "Hey," he says softly, not wanting to startle Izuku too much (the music is somewhat quiet right now). "Dance with me?" he asks, bringing his hand down, slowly so Izuku's eyes can follow it with ease. When in his lap, Izuku looks up his body and into his eyes, still coming out of the silent meltdown.

With a small nod, Katsuki holds his hand out for Izuku's, smiling softly when the hand is placed in his own. "That's it," he reassures gently, running his thumb along Izuku's scarred hand. "Good job, Izu." The greenette blinks a few times and looks down at their hands, smiling softly as he nudges himself into Katsuki's chest. It makes Katsuki smile even more. This time, he asks again, "Care to dance?" and when Izuku nods, now more awake and sure of his surroundings, he stands up. The remote is used to turn up the music of a failed anime idea a little bit and then placed promptly down. Katsuki moves the coffee table closer to the couch, allowing the two of them more room to dance in the living room. Katsuki grabs Izuku's hands, shimming his shoulders as he walks backwards to the middle of the room. When in the middle, Izuku in tow, a bigger smile gracing his face, Katsuki moves their connected hands and arms back and forth.

It makes Izuku giggle as he follows the movements, getting into a rhythm with Katsuki, their upper bodies going in a sort of infinity symbol, their legs following in sync. It's fun, and it gives Izuku that movement he didn't even realize he needed so badly. Katsuki spins Izuku, one hand above their heads, and it makes Izuku laugh deeply, chest back and forth. He spins and spins and spins like the blades on the fan, but instead of it being so boring and mind numbing, it's fun and full of laughter.

"All Might, the best!" Katsuki sings poorly along with a part of the chorus, and it's obvious from that one line why the anime was canceled. "All Might, the hero! The number one, foreverrrr!" Izuku sings along, disconnecting their hands in favor of just moving his body to the poorly made music. His hands act as waves in the air, and Katsuki picks up his own feet to the beat of the music, his arms at his chest like chicken wings, fist going up and down against his chest, as he dances. When the music hits the chorus, ("He's super! He's duper! No bad guy can stop him!" they sing together.) they act as if they have microphones, Izuku bent from his waist forward while Katsuki bends backwards.

It's childish, but Izuku can't find it in himself to care as he laughs and has fun and listens to Katsuki's on-purpose poor singing voice and watches the anime opening from the corner of his eye (subtitles on). "Wyoming, smash!" Izuku shouts, hand in the air, pretending to punch just like the character (a little, quirkless boy) on screen does. Katsuki runs up and wraps his arms from behind Izuku, picking him up a little bit and spinning them in the air. It makes him scream with laughter as he kicks his feet, wriggling to get out as he laughs "Kacchan!" with hardly any air in his lungs. And only when Katsuki puts him down and connects their hands once again so they can be connected with outstretched hands like a ballroom dance move does he realize just how much happier he is. How much he loves dancing like this with Katsuki, how much he loves having a shit-designed song in the background as laughter and smiles float through the air without stopping, how much he loves his life and the relationship he's grown with Katsuki.

"All Might, the best!" Katsuki sings again, Izuku tagging along at the end. The song has restarted, and it appears like he's missed the beginning, but that's okay, because when he sees Katsuki's rare big smile and sees his wild hair and reddened cheeks from moving so much, he realizes that he never wants this moment to stop. He never wants to leave this moment; he wants to keep dancing until he's dead and start another outbreak of the Dancing Plague from 1518. He wants to keep moving and being with Katsuki, listening to a stupid song on repeat—one he could never get tired of because of all the memories they seem to make when it's on.

"Mighty and dighty, mighty and righty! Heroes are the best!" Izuku sings as he moves his body, jumping in small jumps to the beat, his feet making a ruckus on the ground below them. He doesn't care, just moving his arms however they see fit, which happens to be stretched at Katsuki because at some point they had gotten disconnected again. And after Katsuki stops his side to side head movements, he grabs the hand and copies Izuku's moves to the best of his abilities. It makes him laugh everytime he gets it wrong or is too slow, but it makes Katsuki laugh too, so he thinks it's okay.

By the third repeat ends, Izuku stops and wipes the forming sweat on his forehead, Katsuki following in suit by using his shirt. They breathe heavily, the fun still in the air. Izuku turns down the music a bit, looking at Katsuki with the biggest smile he's ever given (surely), and only murmurs an "I love you."

Katsuki smiles, still hardly breathing, as he grabs Izuku's hand, rubbing his thumb along it like last time. Izuku takes his hand and starts to play with his fingers in a way that always made Katsuki shiver for some reason. "I love you, too," he says, kissing Izuku's still hot forehead.

"I feel much better," he says, leaning his head on Katsuki's shoulder, still playing with the fingers given to him. "Much, much better," he says, and when Katsuki replies with, "I'm glad," Izuku smiles, because that means Katsuki's glad and happy and feels better too without even realizing. It always makes Izuku happy when Katsuki's happy, and Katsuki is always happy after their dance sessions or rocking moments, or their hand playing or card shuffling or cross words, or their movie marathons as they sit on opposite sides of the couch so they can pass a ball back and forth; he's always happy.

It makes Izuku happy that Katsuki's happy. So, he asks, "Cookies?" in hopes of doing some baking to exchange the dance party favor. He wants cookies too, now that he thinks about it, and they should still have some premade-only-add-a-few-ingredients powder.

Katsuki nods and leads Izuku to the kitchen. "Only if I can battle you in Just Dance," he compromises playfully, taking out the chocolate chip batter. "Deal," Izuku says, sitting on the counter with his legs moving back and forth.

Izuku loves Katsuki.