Illimitable

Chapter 1- Ties that Bind

[Liliana POV]

"Mama, how much do you love me?" My big brown eyes looked up to catch the smile that split Mommy's face in half. I giggled as she dramatically groaned, rolling her eyes at my stupid question. Yes, an idiotic question because Mommy and I had a word that was just ours for how much she loved me and I to her. When I was little-er, Mommy used to tell me the story as she tucked me into my perfectly pink princess bed. Rapunzel was my favorite, so I didn't care about the rest of the princesses on my blanket.

"I love you to the moon and back, baby." Mommy tried not to laugh as my lips turned down in a disgusted face.

"That's not right, mommy. Say the word, please!"

"Baby, my love for you is illimitable." I reached up, using my tiny hand to brush Mommy's pretty blonde hair back so I could kiss her beautiful rosy cheeks. She was so pretty; I hoped I could look just like her once I was all grown up. "You remember what that means, right love?" Now Mommy was asking silly questions.

"It means that mommy loves me so much that it goes on forever and ever with no end."

That dream put a ghost of a smile on my face. I miss my Mom more and more every day. We shared too many nights just like that, even after I grew up past the point of it being acceptable to want the validation of her love. I could no longer tell if it was a memory or my imagination retelling those evenings.

I lay awake in bed now; my gaze fixated on the delicate dance of dawn as the morning sun timidly emerged from behind the curtains. Its feeble rays struggled to penetrate the darkness that had engulfed my room. The world loved to preach about new beginnings and the promise of a fresh start, but the cynicism within me refused to embrace such platitudes. I couldn't muster the energy to seek a positive outlook on life; my situation weighed me down, suffocating any flicker of hope. The sun may rise, but my spirit remains cloaked in an unyielding darkness.

Long ago, I abandoned any resemblance of hope, surrendering to the relentless grip of despair. The search for a silver lining had proven futile, for my existence had become enveloped in an impenetrable darkness. It wasn't a sign of weakness; I had fought bravely, but even the most vigorous souls have their breaking points. How could I continue the battle when it seemed as if even the heavens conspired to strip away every morsel of joy? The weight of the world pressed upon my shoulders, and the question lingered, unanswered — how does one persevere when even the benevolence of God appeared to root against you?

I did not receive much happiness, to begin with, in life. Without fail, any that I did have was always so ceremoniously and cruelly taken away. My life started descending into nothingness when my Mom passed away, leaving me with just my dad. The loss of my Mom devastated my dad to no end, and I realized soon after that I had lost him too.

"Sunshine" was moms nickname. I mean, she was called that more than her actual name. Everyone used it, family and friends, and she even used it when she ordered coffee from a shop. Baristas would giggle, but one smile from Mom, and they understood, proudly calling out Sunshine when the order was ready. And she was, to everyone, all the time. She just seemed to brighten up everything around her. She was kind, her smile infectious, and I missed that daily. God, I could use some of that brightness right about now to brighten up the despair that surrounded me inside.

After Mom passed, dad wasn't the same. Not in the expected depressed and longing way that comes with losing the love of your life, but he got angry. Just unbelievably angry. Anyone with a degree in psychology knows it is because he is running from his emotions instead of moving on. But honestly, whatever fucked up reasons he may have doesn't change the facts of what he has become.