Crimson & Clover {OC x GUTS} Berserk

16. Soft Things

It was uneventful. The first day in the cave was spent mostly sleeping. The second day was spent preparing food to take with them as they continued on their journey. She and Guts went separate ways to hunt before returning to cook.

Guts was quiet, lost in his own mind, tormented over the events from the forest a few days back. The God Hand knew Marcella was becoming more and more important to him. The idea of any more harm being done at their hands made him rage and within the safety of the cave, he had nothing to rage against. So, he remained silent.

Marcella, unaware of Guts's racing thoughts, could only blame herself for her harsh words before she fell into that bog.

The sun had already set and most of the food had been packed up, aside from what they'd eat right now and in the morning. She took her portion of the rabbit Guts had caught and began to eat in silence. Guts made himself comfortable in the far corner of the cave, eating his own portion.

He dreaded what was coming when he heard her light footsteps pad towards him. A princess wouldn't tolerate his shit, but she was too decent to just ditch him. As she walked over, he prepared himself to hear the words, I'm leaving.

"Guts?"

Maybe if he stayed silent she would go away, it would make this a hell of a lot easier. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear her announce her departure. He wasn't even sure how he felt about her leaving. With her gone, he could focus on his mission. But with her gone... then what? Was he okay with being forced back into a world of pure ugliness and darkness?

"I'm sorry for what I said, but please, don't shut me out," she said.

He hated soft things. So, he intended to cut her deeply with the words he spoke next, "You were never in."

Her voice cracked and turned to a whisper, "You know that's a lie."

He was silent. His gaze focused on the wall, away from her.

"Fine," she wiped at her tears and retreated to what had become her side of the cave.

She wasn't hungry anymore. She put the half she didn't eat with the morning's food ration. He realized that she wasn't leaving. She only went back to her knapsack and started preparing for bed.

She couldn't stand this anymore. She had been so happy a few nights ago, fighting alongside the swordsman she had once envied. Still envied. Now, she only felt like a burden. Guts's silence made her feel like the last four months were all an illusion.

What was she even doing here?

Her own mind fell into a rabbit hole of dizzying thoughts. She was a princess. A princess who should have been married to the Kushan prince and pregnant with a little prince by now. She had faked her death and fled from the castle, leaving all the responsibility of the kingdom on her sister's shoulders. A wave of self-loathing flushed over her as she realized the past couple years have all been in vain. She could no longer hide from that fact.

You don't deserve to be happy after all the suffering you've caused.

You're a hateful bitch.

You will pay with your life.

Here in the cave, they were safe from the influence of the God Hand. But, she realized they had been right all along. She laid in her makeshift bed, facing the wall of earth and couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She hated that Guts would hear how weak she really was and still she couldn't keep herself from crying.

~~~

It was rather absurd, he thought. She was crying and acting as if they weren't in a small cave where he could hear every sound she made.