five people come together and make the worst tsp crack ever

STANLEY GOES TO WALMART

Silly story by meee -Kris

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It was super mega boring at the office. Stanley had been staring at his computer for hours. Nothing excited him anymore. He tapped his long acrylic nails on his desk and frowned. There must be something he could do with his time. He wanted to go out and explore the world. See new sights. And maybe get a manicure while he's at it.

"This is the story of a man named Stanley," Stanley groaned and slouched on his chair. He was tired of hearing this gay British man go on and control his life like this. It made him want to rip his face off. "Stanley worked for a company in a big-"

Stanley stood up and angrily signed, [SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH], his luscious hot pink nails clicking furiously.

The Narrator paused for what felt like ages before replying, "Jesus H. Christ Stanley, what has gotten into you?!" Stanley crossed his arms. The Narrator went on, "You've been acting so out of character lately! You hate my story, you don't follow my commands, you constantly disrespect me– and hell, you even got new lashes and nails! Where did you even get those from?! There's no Sephora in MY parable!"

Stanley gasped, taking everything The Narrator said with full offense. He signed back, [I got these from Mariella asshole. It's called fashion, something you probably don't have.]

The Narrator gasped louder, "Me?? Not having fashion?! Stanley, I can assure you I am very fashionable! I get all of my clothes and your clothes from the best retail store out there."

Stanley rolled his eyes. He signed back, [Sure pal. Tell yourself that.]

"I'm telling you the truth Stanley! If you really don't believe me then I might not have any other choice than to take you there–"

Stanley's eyes lightened and he nearly exploded. He started jumping up and down like a child on christmas. He signed, [Yes! Yes! Take me!!] He would do anything to go somewhere new for once. Even if it was the shit hole of his Narrator's taste in fashion.

The Narrator sighed, "If it makes you calm down and come to your senses, fine. So be it. I'll take you." Stanley was absolutely ecstatic. "But you must promise me that you'll behave. I don't want you to start with your shenanigans and tomfoolery again like last time."

Stanley nodded furiously, [I'll behave I pinky prommy.]

"Very well then," And with the snap of his fingers, the room around Stanley warped and melted in shape. His head spun as he felt the ground beneath him rumble and collapse into a tiled floor. Millions of colors and shapes blinded his vision and yelled Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! His eyes watered and he covered his ears in pain.

Stanley fell backwards and passed out.

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When Stanley woke up he was greeted with the sight of obnoxiously bright ceiling lights and shitty hip hop music playing on a speaker. He rubbed his head and groaned. He signed, [Where am I?] His head was still spinning.

"We're in Walmart, Stanley." The Narrator replied. Stanley wanted to kill him right then and there.

[WALMART? YOU SHOP AT WALMART FOR CLOTHES? PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE /J RIGHT NOW.], Stanley signed. [I DID NOT GO THROUGH HELL AND BACK JUST FOR YOU TO TAKE ME HERE.]

The Narrator scoffed, "Ugh, you're such a child! I knew you'd react this way. Ungrateful as always. I really can't with you sometimes Stanley." Stanley pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He didn't want to hear this twinks bullshit anymore. He started to walk off as The Narrator lectured him. Lucky for him, The Narrator was so angry that he didn't notice Stanley walking off.

The store was filled with unnecessarily early seasonal items and accessories. It was only July and Stanley swore he saw a Christmas tree at the back of the shop. He giggled and backflipped all the way to the clothes section of the store.

He saw a shirt that came to his liking and picked it out excitedly, only to be met with the worst design that has ever graced man-kind. I paused my game to be here. Stanley threw it on the ground in disgust and ran away. Coming here was a mistake.

The electronic devices section was what really excited Stanley. All the buttons and computers made him feel right at home. He happily pressed and jammed all the buttons he could find. This was heaven. Stanley shook violently from the adrenaline rush of pushing different buttons. He loved this more than he loved kissing men.

Then suddenly, the computer screen froze and the buttons went silent. The satisfying clicks of buttons stopped. He slammed the keyboard. Why isn't this working anymore?!, He thought.

He almost wanted to cause a scene and call the manager when familiar text lit the screen. He halted.

{Please enter the current time.}

Stanley rolled his eyes and flipped his hair. This hoe again. He quickly typed in the time, letting out a little snicker as he did so.

{... 69:69. Very mature Stanley. Haha.}

He laughed like a maniac and slapped his knee. This was peak comedy to Stanley, sadly.

{Stop laughing Stanley, I have something important to tell you.}

Stanley wiped a tear from his eye and stopped laughing, but continued giggling a bit.

{...Alright.}

The Timekeeper paused before continuing to type. Stanley was growing very inpatient. He was losing interest fast. Some subway surfers would've been nice

{Stanley, I don't know if you know this, but none of this is real. You're not in a Walmart. You're still in the office. I don't know what The Narrator did to you, but it seems like he gave you some sort of drug so you could hallucinate a retail store. You need to wake up, Stanley.}

The walls and floor went dark. The computer in front of him broke and lost connection. The Walmart faded away and left him in complete isolation. He felt his body float into oblivion and become absorbed by the void surrounding him. The voices of Taylor Swift and Mariah Carey on the radio were nothing but whispers in the distance. His mind was blanking and his eyes became heavy.

{Wake up.}

Stanley closed his eyes and let the universe take him away.

{Wake up.}

His mind was no longer his own and he couldn't form a single thought anymore. I should've bought that damn shirt...

{Wake up.}

Stanley was gone.