Only with you - Minsung (English version)

2

Chapter 2

Two days later

It was suspiciously quiet in the flat.
Cautiously, I opened my bedroom door a bit and listened into the silence. Nothing, except my much too shallow breathing.I pushed the door open further and stepped into the half-dark hallway. Apparently I was still alone here. When I had arrived at the dorm at noon today, I had found it empty. I had automatically assumed that our youngest would be back from their weekend excursions towards evening. They weren't... but okay.
Although I was involuntarily worried about when they would come, I was also glad at the same time to have some time to myself. I wasn't sure how I should behave towards them.
To Felix's message yesterday, how I was doing, I had answered short as usual, but this time it had left a bland aftertaste. And I hadn't responded to Chan's until now.
I was not blind.
I hadn't missed the concerned and questioning glances of the others during last week's training. They felt that something was wrong. Fortunately, no one had questioned; I couldn't have given them a plausible reason for my behavior anyway. I wasn't very good at talking about feelings, especially when I was so unsure of myself.

Sighing, I pushed the bathroom door into the lock and leaned against it for a moment.
This was going to be fun. Not. Somehow I just couldn't get out of this mental carousel.
It was as if I was watching myself from the outside while I got out of my clothes and into the shower. The warm water pelted down on me and for a while I even managed to concentrate only on the rush and the feeling of the warmth gradually loosening my tense muscles. But the moment of mental peace didn't stay for long, the thoughts about Han and the soon reunion couldn't be pushed away.
We had tomorrow off, but we would probably meet anyway. And in fact, I wanted to. I couldn't stand this tension any longer. I didn't want us to stay in this situation any longer, which I was more or less responsible for, because I couldn't deal with myself and my feelings. It wasn't his fault - or only partly - and he shouldn't suffer any longer because I was sure he did.

When I left the bathroom half an hour later, the light was on in the kitchen and I heard dishes clattering.
I was so busy thinking that I didn't notice when one of the others had come home.
For a moment I was tried to run away to my room, which would have been very impolite. I took a deep breath before approaching the noise slowly and quietly. A light mop of hair just disappeared behind the open fridge door, only to reappear immediately afterwards humming and holding the two large bowls I had put in there this afternoon.
"Hey."
In my mind's eye, I had already seen the bowls flying through the air, as shocked as Jeongin was to me. Fortunately, none of that happened, except for him staring at me with wide eyes.
"Minho hyung! Jesus, you scared me."
Smiling indulgently, I stepped closer as he placed the bowls on the sideboard. Instead of responding to his exclamation or apologising, I took one of the water bottles that always stood beside the fridge.
"Did you have a good weekend?"
"Yes..." He looked at me uncertainly for a moment before continuing, "I was with my parents. My brother was there too."
"That's nice."
"And you?"
"I was also visiting my family."
I didn't miss his gaze, but I passed it over and got a glass from the cupboard instead. Of course, I could have added details that I had helped my mother work in the garden and that even my grandma had come over for a few hours once. However, I wasn't in the mood for small talk right now and Jeongin was certainly much more interested in other things, even if he would never admit it and I didn't want to talk about it at the moment. My thoughts, which circled around, had exhausted me and all I wanted to do was go to my room.

With a nod, I pointed to the two bowls in front of Jeongin.
"It should theoretically be enough for the three of you. I made it earlier from the leftovers my mother gave me."
Jeongin's eyes widened in surprise.
"Oh thank you, Hyung, for cooking."
A wide laugh lit up his face.
"Shall we eat together?"
"No, you go ahead and enjoy it. I ate earlier."
I hadn't, but I wasn't hungry or even hungry anyway, but I didn't have to bring that up to our youngest.
"Please share it with Seungmin and Felix. Do you know when they're coming?"
"Seungmin wrote that he'd probably be there in an hour. I don't know about Felix."
"Fine."
Before Jeongin could say anything back, I turned away.
"So enjoy your meal. I'm going to sleep, the weekend was exhausting enough. I'll see you tomorrow."
I knew I had been very abrupt, but the others already knew that about me. So it was not surprising that Jeongin's response was limited to a "Thank you. Sleep well." when I finally left the room.

My bed made a faint creaking sound when I let myself fall onto it and closed my eyes for a few seconds. The sounds from the kitchen were quite dim, the silence of my room weighed heavily on me.
To take my mind off it, I grabbed my mobile phone from the bedside table. I didn't know what to do. After the short encounter with Jeongin, I felt even more upset than before, there was an unpleasant chaos in my head that could neither be grasped nor sorted, and that simply stole all my concentration. I would have loved to escape into the land of dreams, but at the moment sleep was out of the question.
I clicked through the apps listlessly, looking for something to distract me and scatter my thoughts. I didn't even have the nerve for one of the anime series I had started.

At this moment my mobile vibrated and the messaging app popped up. My heart did a stumble, only to contract a little in disappointment immediately afterwards. Chan. What had I been expecting? That Hanie would suddenly text me?
"Hey, Lino. Everything okay?"
Shit, I'd completely forgotten to contact him. The guilty conscience was pressing on my chest, chasing away all the other feelings that had just been welling up.
Fingers flying, I typed my reply, assuring him that I was in the dorm and that I was fine so far. He already had enough on his mind and shouldn't worry about me too much. That he probably did anyway, I knew.
We texted a few trivialities until finally there was no reply from him. I waited for a while, but the app stayed silent. He had probably just fallen asleep.Smirking, I pulled the blanket higher and moved into a more comfortable position. Our leader was chronically sleep-deprived, so it wasn't unusual for him to sometimes nod off even in the middle of a conversation.
"Sleep well, Chan."
I stared at the display for a few more seconds, and when there was no response, I closed the app. By now it was already after 11. Chan had distracted me quite well.
And now ...Unwillingly, the thoughts in my head began to circle again, but this time I let them. It was no use anyway. Following an inspiration, I opened Instagram and, after a tiny moment of hesitation, I typed in our band name. What led me to do that, I couldn't say. Unlike Felix or Chan, I didn't usually look at fanposts or videos and avoided other platforms in this direction, unless I posted something myself.
Lots of pictures and videos appeared, officially published photos as well as recordings of interviews and concerts. I scrolled through the thumbnails for a while, and in between I saw my face flash up. Often together with Hanies.
My thumb was hovering indecisively over one of the pictures, which clearly showed both of us at one of the last concerts.
Should I really...? Did I want to see how the fans thought about us and saw us?
Oh, what the hell.
Applause and screams came out of the loudspeaker and I only needed a few seconds to know what kind of scene would follow. It was obvious. My pulse got out of sync as I followed the action and immediately felt transported back to that day a few weeks ago.

The corners of my mouth couldn't quite decide whether they should move upwards or remain in a neutral position. The adrenaline rushed through my veins while the shouts of the fans quietened down for a moment and finally turned into loud laughter. As if spellbound, we all followed the action in the middle of the stage. Hanie was in his element: firing up the atmosphere and teasing the other band members, especially Chan. Although, like me, he didn't like being the centre of attention in private, he lived for those moments at our gigs. Because if anyone knew how to entertain the crowds with his cheeky comments, it was Han. Okay and Seungmin.
Involuntarily, the corners of my mouth stole upwards after all. I liked watching them do it. Especially Hanie. And especially when he - Oh, never mind.
I ran my fingers through my sweaty hair before abandoning my observation post at the edge of the stage and joining the others.
For a few seconds his gaze fixed on me and I couldn't help but wink at him. Not unnoticed. The fans went wild while he looked away embarrassed and I had to smile involuntarily. That was exactly what I liked: to know that his attention was on me and, in turn, to throw him off his game.

The smirk on my face turned into a grin when I stepped next to him a little later and briefly stroked his back with the palm of my hand to get his full attention. His shirt was wet. I motioned for him to climb onto my back so I could give him a piggy-back ride. I felt his stunned laughter more than I heard it through the screams of the fans. I jerked a few times until he was sitting in such a way that he didn't fall right back down. Arms around my shoulders, he snuggled closer, his warm breath tickling my ear.
"If I get too heavy, then -"
"You won't."

Grinning, I walked across the stage with him like this. Every now and then he would loosen an arm to wave at the fans while describing and pointing at his favourite posters to me. It was a great moment. Knowing Hanie was with me, seeing the excited faces of the fans at the same time - that was all I needed.
I wanted to carry him like this forever, to hold on to the moment, if my arms hadn't started to protest at some point. Carefully, I set him down on the floor. I was about to turn to him when his arms once again wrapped around me and pulled me close to him. A thrilling tingle ran through me as his breath touched my neck, a shudder ran down my spine.
"Thank you, I'm so happy right now to be experiencing this with you..."



Groaning, I hid my face in the pillow while the short video clip started again. The tingling in my stomach was almost unbearable, while I was still seeing the moment in my mind's eye. I even imagined I could feel its warmth against my back.
Why was it only now that I realised the full extent of my feelings? Was I the only one who hadn't noticed?

I kept clicking, finding videos that were more than telling.
My gosh, did I really always look so jealous when Han gave his attention to one of the others or played pranks on them? I had to learn to control my facial expressions better. The fact that I almost killed the others with my looks was new to me.
Another video began. Already in the first second it was obvious in which direction the content was moving: "MinSung - moments of love". Embarrassed, I closed my eyes and instinctively swiped across the display to jump straight to the next one. It didn't get any better. There were countless videos that were exclusively about Han and me and seemed to enjoy great popularity when I looked at the like numbers. I didn't know if I should really be happy about it. Apparently our behaviour was more obvious to outsiders than to us.
Oh man. But maybe that was also a reason why rarely anyone from the crew stopped us, because the majority of the fans seemed to like our interactions.
I felt my face warm up as I watched the next scene with anticipation. Was I - was Han really looking at me with shining eyes as often as the fans claimed in the video?

A spark of hope nestled in my chest and slowly but steadily became a smouldering fire.

I hope you enjoyed it. I'm always happy to get feedback. Let me know your thoughts :)