Only with you - Minsung (English version)

1

Only with you

Chapter 1

Something touched my shoulder, then my legs and stayed there. I blinked sleepily into the semi-darkness of the room as something rubbed against my back, only to trample over me a few seconds later and cuddle up to my upper body, purring. Automatically I reached out a hand for the nocturnal visitor beside me and let my fingers glide through the soft fur. I couldn't tell if it was Soonie or Dori, it was too dark for that, but from the constant vibrating sound I guessed it was the first one, Dori's purring was quieter. The younger one had probably chosen my legs as a new place to sleep. Both of them were much more night-active and came to my bed almost every time I was at home. Doongie, on the other hand, preferred to sleep on his own blanket.

I blinked tiredly into the darkness of the room, only to let my much too heavy eyelids close again a few seconds later. It was clearly too early to get up. Listening to the purring beside me, I hoped sleep would return to me quickly.
It didn't.
Although my eyelids felt as if they were weighted down with lead, my brain became more active with each passing minute.

After a while, I finally opened my eyes in frustration, only to stare gazelessly at the wall.Soonie had fallen asleep again. There was no sound from the other two either, but a clock was ticking somewhere in the next room. With each muted tick, I became more restless, trying not to think of anything. I would have liked to jump up and go for a walk through the neighbourhood at night, but I knew it would be useless. No matter what I did, I couldn't distract myself from the oppressive feeling that had been living in my chest for days, even growing and confusing me so much.
My hand wandered from the soft cat fur to the back of my neck, touching the spot that was already starting to prickle again. Had it ever stopped?
I suppressed a groan, instead closing my eyes convulsively, which did not help to control the prickling in my body. 

Why had he done that? Normally he didn't go that far either ...

Although it had been several days, I still felt Hanie's soft lips on my skin. The memory alone sent my body into tumult - worse than ever.
Since we knew each other, his closeness always brought a certain pleasant excitement. I enjoyed it, even looked for that closeness, just as Han seemed to like being with me. We completed each other perfectly and spent almost every day together, whether at training or in our free time. If one of us wasn't feeling well, the other would try to support and put up a good mood. It had become something we didn't think about, it had become second nature, even if the others liked to laugh at us for it.
But now...

Since the filming of "Finding SKZ", something was different. Yet it wasn't supposed to be like this.We had taken part in various challenges against each other to prove who from the band was a "lover". The sense of the individual tasks was debatable, but we had fun and hopefully our fans will later too, when the episodes go online in a few weeks.
Involuntarily, my heart jumped, while the prickling in my stomach grew a bit stronger.
What would they think? How much of the scene would our crew even leave in the final cut?
Arg, it had just been a damn kiss on the back of my neck that Han had given me to get my heart rate up in one of the challenges.Not surprisingly, it had worked brilliantly. And it seems my heart hasn't wanted to calm down at all since then. It wasn't that the two of us never got physically close, definitely not. It was just that this kiss had taken me totally in surprise. There had been cameras everywhere, the crew, the other band members. And he had done it nevertheless, not just hinted at it like he usually did.

I couldn't forget the look on his face as I freed myself from the cuff that had so wonderfully revealed the level of my pulse. The smile, the sparkle in his eyes... and at the same time the feeling of his lips on my skin that seemed to burn itself in. He had looked so pleased, and me? There had been a temporary emptiness in my head while this persistent prickling sensation conquered my body. Did Han have any idea what he had started?

Sure, we were always hanging on to each other - how did Seungmin describe us? Lovey-dovey... - regardless of whether it was in the script or not. We just liked each other. In the meanwhile, no one said anything anymore, it was accepted and usually marketed in the best possible way, if it was recorded by the cameras. It was normal and part of us.But not any more.

Somehow I had managed to get through the second day of shooting without thinking too much about it, but the next day at least, everything had come over me like a wave. I rethought everything: every glance, every touch, every word. And especially that persistent, nerve-wracking feeling that had been living in my chest since then.His nearness confused me so much that I couldn't hardly tolerate it any longer and even kept him at a distance quite harshly. I was immediately sorry for my words, as hurt as Han had looked at me, but I didn't take them back and instead threw myself into dance practice all the more grimly. I couldn't handle his presence and as long as my mind and body were in chaos, I couldn't help but keep my distance. As difficult as it was for me - and how little it helped.

I had fled to my parents' house for the weekend to find distraction and finally to sink into these confusing feelings.
Only one thing had really become clear to me during all this time: how much I missed him. His laughter, his looks, his energy that always swept me away.I needed him to really feel complete.

It was shameful how little I had been aware of this before, how much I had taken it for granted.I wonder if he felt the same way. Or had nothing changed for him? Had it just been one of his usual flirtations, but one that had gone off the rails for me and was nothing special for him?
As much as all this threw me off track and at the same time made me realise what Han had apparently been triggering in me for a while now and I just hadn't noticed it. I wished that I was also someone special for him. Someone who triggered something similar in him as he did in me.

I lay awake for a while longer as thoughts raced through my brain. The wind rattled the windows, soon followed by the steadily increasing drumming of the rain.

> to be continued