Only with you - Minsung (English version)

3

Chapter 3

I stood in the hallway for a moment, undecided.What was I actually doing here?I quietly took my shoes off my feet and let the key disappear into my jacket before hanging it on one of the hooks for it. I listened with held breath into the silence, only from Hyunjin's room I thought I could hear soft music, otherwise the flat seemed to be empty. Still...With a pounding heart, I walked on slowly. I knew from Chan that he and Changbin would probably stay late at the studio. And Hanie... Hopefully he was there.

I had spent the last night on various video platforms, watching countless clips and concert recordings, until I finally fell asleep in the morning. What was left was a restless sleep and the realisation that I had to do something. The desire to see him weighed heavily. I missed so much the feeling his closeness brought - it grew stronger and more unbearable with each passing hour. I wanted the lightness between us back, to see his laugh and feel his eyes on me.
The situation between us had to be cleared up, I couldn't stand it any longer. I had already wasted too much time.

There had been no opportunity at today's dance training because 3Racha had gone to the studio and had only passed by in the afternoon. But that had also supported me in my intention - because Hanie was suffering. How lost and unsteady he had stood behind the others, unable to look me in the eye. Gosh, what an idiot I was to take so long and just leave him alone.

It was good that I had the keys to both flats, otherwise I might have turned back at the last moment if I'd had to ring the bell and maybe come face to face with Hyunjin.Yes, sometimes I was quite a coward. Unfortunately.
Nervously, I paused in front of the door, my fist raised to knock. What if he didn't want to see me? Or wasn't there at all. I could already feel my ears growing warm with excitement. An annoying habit.

Before I spent another few minutes thinking in front of his door, I gave myself a push and knocked lightly.
Nothing.
No sound reached me from inside.
Again I knocked and pushed the door handle down a little.
"Han?"
Dim light brightened the small room as I entered and closed the door behind me. My mouth was like a desert that wouldn't go away even after repeated swallows.
"Hanie?", I tried again, silence answering me.
He was lying on the bed, half hidden under the thick blanket. The laptop was open beside him, throwing unsteady light on the walls. Only when I slowly stepped closer did I see that his eyes were closed, headphones stuck in his ears. For a moment I was relieved that he had apparently fallen asleep watching a film and was not ignoring me as I had worried.
Carefully, I stepped over the clothes spread all over his room and sat down on the edge of the bed.
He was really asleep - as so often with his mouth slightly open, his upper body rising and falling smoothly. He looked relaxed and at the same time ... exhausted. Those dark shadows under his eyes... I bit my lower lip. My hand crept to his cheek and stroked the soft skin softly. How long I sat there looking at him, I couldn't say.
I lost all sense of time.
It was a little uncomfortable for me to admit how much I was fascinated by the look of him, how I was memorising every tiny movement. And although my heart continued to race in my chest, I felt surprisingly calm at that moment.

Finally, Han began to move.
A sigh left his lips, his eyes wandered unsteadily back and forth under the lids before they opened a little.A few more heartbeats passed before he was awake enough to notice me. Shocked, he wrenched his eyes open.
"Lino!"
Blinking hard, he fumbled for the headphones while I didn't quite know where to put my hands. The heat in my ears continued to grow, so I was glad that the only light was coming from the laptop.
"Lino..."
This time it was no more than a whisper.
Would he say I should go away?

I watched tensely as he gradually got himself together again. He was still blinking a lot, but it was probably less because of the shock I had given him than because of the contact lenses he often forgot to take off before sleeping.I had no idea what to do or to say. All I could do was to stare at him. Gosh, this tension was killing me.

Fortunately, as so often, it was Han who broke the silence.
"You're really here."
The edges of his mouth twitched as he looked me straight in the eye.
"And it's not just a dream."
Now it was me who blinked hard. With difficulty, I swallowed against the dryness in my throat.
"You're dreaming about me?"
Great... That was the best I could say?
He didn't seem to care. Smiling embarrassedly, he moved a little towards me, the blanket still wrapped around him, his head half buried in the pillow.His next words made my heart stumble.
"Almost every night lately."
Hell, how could he so easily say what I had been racking my brain about for the past few days? I didn't know what to answer, my brain once again filled with emptiness. Dazed, I felt him release one of my hands from its cramped position and hold it tight.
"Hanie..." My voice sounded raspy. "I... I'm sorry."
His eyes widened a little, his grip on my hand became tighter.
"Don't... I'm sorry."
Before I could ask what exactly he meant, he suddenly disconnected our hands and sat up. His arms wrapped around my torso, pulling me against him.
What -
"I missed you."
His breath lightly touched my neck as he buried his head against my shoulder. For a moment I forgot everything around me, feeling only his body against mine and the intimate warmth that surrounded me. His words ran down my back, sending goosebumps. As if in a trance, I wrapped my arms around him as well, lightly stroking the thin fabric of his shirt.

"Han...Hanie. Me too."
It was finally out, taking the tension with it. I heard him sigh against my shoulder, the hug tightening, making my heart trip.
We were sitting anything but comfortably, half twisted between the edge of the bed and the mattress and yet I wouldn't have wanted to give up this position just now for anything in the world. It felt so right.

Only after a while did we detach ourselves from each other. There was an expression in his eyes that I didn't quite know how to interpret, but before I could give it any more thought, he wiped off a few strands out of my forehead and smiled gently at me.
"Are you staying here today?"
"If you want me to...?"
The unsureness disappeared from his face.
"Of course, you're still asking?"
Now he moved away from me. He quickly moved the long-forgotten laptop to the table and activated the fairy lights behind his bed before making himself comfortable on it again.
"Come on."
Invitingly, he lifted the blanket and grinned at me. The last bit of nervousness in me had disappeared.
It was almost like before. How often had we spent nights together on the couch in front of the TV or in bed, watching horror movies and anime series, only to fall asleep close to each other after a few hours.Smiling, I slid next to him so that we lay facing each other, the warmth of the blanket wrapping us. Our hands found each other as naturally.

Instantly, a new kind of tension began to spread between us.
This time it was him who gently touched the back of my hand.
"Lino," he murmured. "What is this with us?"
I had asked myself the same question many times over the past few days. And yet the answer always stayed the same.
"I don't know."
Apparently Han didn't expect an answer either. Lost in thought, he looked at our hands before finding my glance.
"I... you know..." He interrupted himself, frowning. "Oh man, why is this so hard?"
His muted laughter made me smile, I could very well relate to the sudden speechlessness.
"I'm sorry I ambushed you like that. So with the kiss." He blinked shortly and then continued. "But actually, I'm not sorry either. I've wanted to do that for so long, and honestly, I'd do it again."
Embarrassed, my gaze now wandered to our hands. His directness sent prickles through my body, my ears getting even hotter.
"You surprised me quite a bit with that."
"That was the purpose of it, too," he admitted with a smile.
"You succeeded. It confused me a lot and I had to think about some things first," I confessed quietly. At the last moment I suppressed the impulse to run my hand over the spot on the back of my neck that had already started to prickle when I had entered the flat.
"And I imagine you'll be pleased to hear that I can still feel the kiss."
Was he blushing?
My smile widened as, following a sudden inspiration, I turned onto my back and pulled him with me. His head came to rest on my shoulder, his hand on my torso. This position was new, almost intimate for both of us, but from the sound of his sighing, anything but not uncomfortable. Silently we lay, my hand playing with the hem of his shirt, which had slipped slightly, while he in turn drew tangled patterns on my jumper with his fingers.
"And what did you have to realise?" he finally mumbled.
"Hmm... That the others were probably right."
Wondering, he lifted his head and looked at me from below.
"About what?"
"That I can't live without you."
Well, maybe they had said it a bit differently last year during the recording of "2 Kids Room", but basically it came out the same. Hanie's eyes got big.
"I don't want to miss you like I have the last few days."
"I don't either. And Lino?"
"Huh?"
"The others are wrong."
I looked at him questioningly.
"I also can't live without you anymore."