The Seventh Grade Wars

CHAPTER 32: JK

We practiced like crazy the next day. The other Sides came and took over parts of the football field, and miraculously we managed not to get kicked out of the field. We weren't technically allowed to play there, but we were safe as long as we got away by four-thirty, because that was when they had girls' lacrosse practice.

We practiced hard and well, even more than often. We sneaked onto the school's football field a lot and borrowed their gear. Alfonzo, naturally, got wind of the tryouts and insisted on attending our practice sessions. But including him made twelve, and since only eleven people were allowed on the team, we figured he didn't really have a chance at making it. He was pretty bad at football, but he acted like he wasn't.

As we were finishing our practices and packing up the gear, Thomas nudged me in the back. 

"Yo, man," he said. "I'm thinking about asking out Jessica Malboy."

I nearly fell over. "What? Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, man. She's pretty. And popular. What else could I want?"

"She's as poisonous as a viper." I took of my helmet and threw it on the grass.

"Only to you and Danny, mostly," Thomas said. "And sometimes Macy, I guess."

"Why are you tellin' me this, anyhow?" I asked.

"You're older, right? How old are you, again, JK?"

"Almost fourteen, not that it matters."

"Well, you must have been on a couple dates, then," he said. "How should I ask her?"

I sighed. I'd never actually been on a date, on account of the fact that no girl ever wanted to date me.

But I didn't want to explain all that. 

"Just get her when she's alone," I said. "Which is kinda hard, because girls are always in packs. Like hyenas." (Authors Note: I laughed a lot when I wrote that.)

"Okay, well, what do girls like?"

"Once took a girl to a movie. She liked that. But maybe not a Marvel. Or Jaws, for that matter. Also, get her food. Girls like food, too."

"All right," said Thomas eagerly. "Thanks, JK."

This was the first time he'd treated me like an older kid, and I didn't really like it much. But I just said okay.

"Can't see why you'd want Jessica Malboy, though," I said. "There are so many other pretty girls in the grade. What about Lauren? Or Harriet?"

"Ryan said he was going to make a move on Harriet."

Am I the only single person in the grade? I wondered. I'd once asked a girl out last year, during lunch. She threw her macaroni salad in my face. After that, I'd pretty much sworn of dating. Who needs a girl, anyway?

The day of football tryouts arrived, and A Side was feeling confident. We were the only ones at the tryouts: just twelve of us. 

There was a tall, gangly, toothpick-thin boy standing by the sidelines, with a bag of footballs in his hand. He looked like he could be about sixteen, and he was covered in acne.

"Hey," said Thomas to the boy. "Do you know where the coach is? We're here for the football tryouts..."

"I'm your coach," said the boy. "Call me Morton."

Alfonzo spluttered with laughter. "You're our coach?"

Morton frowned. "Yes," he said. 

"Wow! You don't look like you can bench press a Q-tip," Alfonzo said. 

"You pulling our leg, man?" asked Ryan. 

Morton didn't say anything. He pulled a football out of his bag and hurled it across the field. It went so far, we could hardly see where it landed. 

"Any more questions?" he asked. 

"Yeah," I said. "How come you're the one to coach us? The high school football team has a real coach."

"Because," he said, "you little twerps needed a coach and they assigned me to do it." He frowned. "This all of you guys? Any more of you coming?"

"No," Thomas said quickly. "It's just us."

"Huh. Team just keeps getting smaller and smaller." Morton held out a clipboard. "Well, write down your names. I'll call you one by one."

"But there are already enough of us to make a team," called out a boy in the back. "Why don't you just take us all?"

"We only need eleven players," said Morton. "One of you will have to go."

"I vote for Alfonzo," said Ryan. 

"No," said Morton firmly. 

The first one up was Thomas. Morton had him catch some footballs and throw them back, and that was it. 

"What? That's all you're testing us on?" Thomas demanded after Morton declared it was finished. 

"Yep," said Morton. 

In the end, we all made the team...except Alfonzo. It was pretty easy, really, but Alfonzo kept dropping the ball and could hardly throw it far enough. 

"That's good for us, then," said Ryan cheerfully. "If I'm going to play on a football team, I'd rather not play with Alfonzo."

I looked over at Alfonzo. He was yelling at Morton, trying to convince him to give him a second chance. I had to give it to Morton, though: he was standing his ground.

The results for the football team were posted that same week. 

"So soon?" said Yvonne. 

"Of course, so soon, Yvonne," Jessica reprimanded. "Only twelve people tried out."

"And one of them was Alfonzo," said Ryan in agreement. 

I looked around the cafeteria. A lot of people from other Sides were fuming and waving their hands around. One guy from the C Side team was smacking his fist into the table, looking outraged. 

"Perfect," said Jessica happily. "Harriet, would you go write a special message on the results? They're posted right over there..." She whispered something in her ear. Harriet nodded, grabbed a Sharpie marker, and headed off. "Revenge for humiliating me on that stupid website of theirs," Jessica said happily. "Awesome."

"I thought we were also getting back at them for the pranks," pointed out Danny.

"Oh, yes," said Jessica, "that too."