Rich H.S

Part 20

You've never been in love before.

You had experienced love in friendships and in your family, that deep affection and care you had for another person and the detrimental loss you'd feel if something ever happened to them. But you had never been in love.

Your friends had always described it as feeling entirely connected to another person, in heart and soul. They said it was like you just wanted to be with them 24/7 and be utterly consumed by them in every way. Their loss was your loss, their win yours too.

You'd want to spend every waking moment together, and you'd dread saying goodbye. It was hard to breathe when they weren't around, and physically painful to think of them hurting or leaving you.

None of it ever made sense to you. You had always hoped that one day you'd experience it, but you never really thought it was how they described.

They were right.

Although you didn't know for sure that what you were feeling was love for Harry, that was the best way of describing it. You yearned for him always and your mind and body had been in utter turmoil just thinking about leaving him.

It hurt and your heart and chest physically ached at what was coming at the end of this week.

When you thought back to his reasoning for Valentines dinner, you understood why he chose today. But now that things had progressed (on your side), you wished he had picked a later day in the week. It was only Tuesday and with five days still to go, you didn't know how you were going to go through it knowing what you now did about yourself.

Once you leave you can get over it, you knew you could... at least you convinced yourself you could. But being in his presence was entirely too suffocating. There were still three more morning walks and greetings after work. You'd be in his house where your relationship had started from nothing and now grown to this.

He had practically fucked you in every room too so there was just no room that left you at peace. It even smelt like him, his heavy cologne like a candle that lingered and stained the air. Being here surrounded by that would be suffocating, you knew it would be.

It almost felt silly to feel as deeply as you did towards him. Partly because he didn't love you back, but also because you knew that you had fallen in love with only part of a man.

Harry had never been completely open with you, and you never asked him to, yet you still stupidly fell for him even when you didn't even know who he was at heart. Feeling like this made all the confusion he caused you hurt even more. The mixed signals, the dates that weren't dates, spending Valentine's Day together.

Since your lightbulb moment everything just felt a lot clearer. You now understood why all those things he did impacted you so much.

Even when you got a little too close to your previous hookups (which you had with one of them), you were never so caught up and obsessed in their behaviour. It never affected you this much and it was because you were never in love with them.

Going from 0 and never experiencing a relationship nor wanting one to 100 and being in love and having a deep craving for one in the span of just over a month was crazy. There was no other word to describe it except plain crazy.

The idea of being in love was still so foreign to you that you hadn't even uttered the words out loud yet. Not to Harry... god you could never imagine even saying the word 'love' around him let alone professing yours. But just out loud to yourself, like an admission that would suddenly make this entire situation real.

You woke up sore. Every muscle in your body felt tight and uncomfortable, and when you went to stretch everything out it only made the pain between your thighs worse. It was a nice reminder of last night, although you hoped your parents wouldn't notice the limp you knew you had when they get home from their night away later today.