Never let go [mxm] ON HOLD

Chapter 19

Ross Murray was having a hard time pulling from that mind blowing kiss, Blake was pretty skilled for his age and also quite demanding, he was dominating the kiss almost aggressively, hungry for Ross, eagerly devouring him. Nothing about the act was innocent or meant for children,  they were two men doing what they did out of pure desire and something else. Something else that made the kiss less bruising with it's intensity and more delicate, tender and gentle. Ross was looking for excuses in his mind . It was a mistake. He was swept by the moment. He wasn't himself. He only kissed back out of pity. He didn't feel a thing. None of those sounded right in his mind, he knew well what he was doing,  he was aware of himself and to say he didn't feel a thing would be insulting and definitely false. That kiss drew from him as well as granted him, he found himself addicted and willingly trapped in a swirling storm of emotions that weren't only his. To say he was overwhelmed would be an understatement,  he didn't know if it was because of the confession of Blake but this kiss felt much better than the last. 

But with it came feelings of guilt,  shame and just a bit of regret. This wasn't right.  Blake was Justin's best friend,  much younger than Ross, and Ross was in a relationship,  he had Corbin for god's sake. Corbin was the perfect man for him and for any sane gay guy, he was attractive,  caring, loving, funny, kind and wise, it was impossible not to fall for him. Ross was sure he was in love with Corbin so why was he kissing Blake and enjoying it? This wasn't only wrong towards Corbin,  this was wrong towards Blake,  Ross was leading him on with that kiss, planting false hope in him. It was clear that a relationship wouldn't come out of this, there were so many disadvantages that made it seem unrealistic but Blake was naive and Ross felt that he was taking  advantage  of that.                                          

"Enough... stop..." Ross broke the kiss,  taking  a few steps back. His gaze shifted to the floor, he couldn't look at Blake at the moment. "What's wrong? " Blake asked, the distress clear in his voice. What's wrong? What's not wrong?  Ross thought bitterly. He just couldn't believe the situation he was in, barely grasping the hang of things. He and Blake kissed. And it  felt... damn! He shouldn't think of how it felt, it didn't matter, it was wrong either way. Ross was older and in a relationship, just the thought of cheating on Corbin made him sick with guilt and shame. Even if this was just  a kiss it was still considered cheating and Corbin didn't deserve that from Ross. Maybe there's a chance that Blake was confused?  That thought for some reason made Ross displeased, somewhere deep in his heart he wanted Blake's confession to be genuine but he wouldn't admit it out loud. And what was he to do now? How should he handle this? He was the responsible adult and as such he should cut things now before someone would get further hurt. He looked at Blake and eyed him longingly, he no longer saw a boy infront of him but a man and attractive one at that. Blake's body was fit and muscled thanks to soccer, he was probably lusted after at school. Images attacked Ross' mind, of him dominating that body and doing unspoken things to him. "Shit...this is so messed up!" He shook his head to get rid of the mental images. "Look Blake, " Ross  started, not really knowing where to start. He was searching  for the correct words to solve this odd situation calmly but nothing came up in his mind. "I really don't know what to say or how to react to all that happened just now, I'm  afraid I'm having a hard time finding the appropriate way to regard to all of this. " Blake only nodded, waiting for Ross to continue. "First I just want to say that I appreciate the courage it took you to confess, it must have been rough on you to carry those feelings. You were honest with me therefore I'll return the favor, you truly caught me off guard and as much as it's endearing I can't reciprocate your feelings. " Ross  said, directing his gaze at Blake that now looked slumped with disappointment.  "But...you kissed me..." Blake  murmured helplessly,  Ross' heart ached for him. He did kiss back . "Blake, there are so many reasons as to why I can't  accept you, age differences for example but more importantly I'm in a relationship with Corbin and I'm happy in that  relationship,  I love him." Blake flinched at those words and closed his eyes. "Please don't  say that..." he murmured.  Ross took a deep breath, it was hard on him to see Blake  like that. "You don't kiss back if you feel nothing,  you must have felt something. It wasn't just me! Tell me it wasn't  just me!" Blake reigned back his determined posture,  his eyes burning Ross with their intensity. Ross found it hard to stare into those pair of eyes so he averted his. "Blake, please stop, that kiss was a mistake on my part, forgive me." It sounded poor and Blake didn't seem convinced. "That mistake, as you call it,