Trafalgar Law x Reader Regret

XI

The situation between Law and Victoria started to deteriorate quickly. When Law did visit you and Shiro, he looked more and more tired than the day before, his lingering touches slow and his eyes closed when he sat down on the couch before you could even bring him a cup of coffee. Shiro seemed to be confused as to why the man was coming over more frequently, but as you did explain him what the surgeon meant to you, he kept his mouth closed from any complains. He was smart, after all, and he had noticed you seemed more contend when the man was around or texted you. But he did feel jealous and irate whenever Law seemed to occupy your mind and heart even when he wasn't there. You did everything you could to never let your child feel neglected, but the mind of a child is complex and sometimes they don't understand what seems to be logical for a more developed mind. Today was another day he felt helpless, unwanted and unheard even after you cooked him whatever he wanted, had done grocery shopping with the child and bought the small piece of candy he fancied in the shop. He felt down even when you spend every waking moment with him and gave him every ounce of attention when he was around, almost to the point of ignoring Law when he was in the same room.

"Mommy, you're not replacing me, right?" His voice was small, however, when he did question it sometimes. His brows were pinched together, a pout on his lips and tears gathering in his eyes. You pulled the boy on your lap before you hugged him to your chest, hand rubbing his back as the other kept his head to your shoulder.

"Of course not, honey. I could and would never replace you with any other person." It dawned on you that you should've told him the truth before, even if you were scared he would be mad at you. You never wanted to hurt him, after all. "Shiro.." The boy sniffled into your shoulder but did react upon your voice, his fists twisting in your shirt. "My love, my life, my world.. I want to be honest with you and hope you won't hate me for it." You felt the hitch in his breathing before the hiccup coming from his lips. "Law is someone very dear to me. I've loved him for so long that it broke my heart when we split before." Grey eyes turned to look at you, tears brimming on his lashes as snot ran down his nose. Tilting your head with only love and adoration in your mind, you rubbed his nose clean. "By the time I was carrying you already and I tried to protect you even if it hurt me a lot."

"Ca-carrie-ed m-me?" The young boy hiccupped and you rubbed away some stray tears from his cheeks.

You pulled the boy impossibly close, own tears gathering behind your lashes as the memories of how difficult you had it resurfaced. There had been moments where you couldn't continue and moments where you feared you'd lose the only connection shared with Law, losing the small bud of love left in the form of a developing child in your belly. "Yeah." You said in a soft breath. "I carried you without knowledge before we split apart and I-" Searching for words, you let a few tears dribble down your cheeks. "I didn't tell him, couldn't tell him everything I wanted that time, fearing he'd-" What did you fear anyway? That he'd leave you? That he'd hate the child because he wasn't ready for it? When is the time to be? Is it age limited? Development of your mind? Money? Stable jobs? Who knows? Even you were still unsure whether you were truly ready for this step in commitments, yet here you are, doing your best and Shiro treated you well enough that you'd almost claim he was an angel instead of a kid. "I feared he'd hate me." You whispered. Shiro bit his lower lip, sensing the sorrow in your voice as he tried to curl into you even more.

"Does he?" It was a mere whisper, two words one could easily overlook if they weren't trained on the reaction of the young boy. You shook your head, kissing the top of his head before simply resting your lips on the crown of his hair.

"No. He cares, he loves the both of us." You whispered into his hair as you cradled your son. "He'd never, ever, hate anyone of us. He's shown me that even after such a long time apart." Droplets of salted water fell in his dark locks as moved left and right repeatedly, holding the boy until the tears of the both of you stopped falling, ignoring the ringtone coming from your phone on the coffee table. It wasn't as important as this moment.

It was way past Shiro's bedtime that Law knocked on your door, his form looking even more tired than the weeks before. Taking over his bag and jacket you felt the man slip and lean on you for a little while. "Fuck, I love you." It came out of nowhere and you were a bit stunned at the strange greeting, his arms quick to wrap around your middle as he pressed the both of you impossibly close, his face hidden next to your head. "I love you so, so much."

"Law?" The man merely shook his head as his embrace tightened as his hands clutched your shirt. You couldn't do anything other than wrap your arms around his shoulders, your back bend backwards uncomfortably as Law bend down.

The lights in the corridor diminished as Law leaned against the wall, the switch balancing on off and on and you moved your arms down, only your hands resting in his unruly hair and the side of his neck. The man stayed silent, rubbing his nose against the crook between your neck and shoulder, his thumb rubbing up and down before clutching on your shirt and repeating the motion again and again. Your shirt would be wrinkled by the time the both of you would leave the corridor, but you kept the thought locked away in the back of your mind, just holding the tired man close. His silence was indicating he needed this more than words could convey, his touches resembling those of deep regret, love and devotion. Time was slipping by, the clock ticking yet disappearing to a mere background noise disturbing the silent breaths between the both of you.

A heavy intake of air, expanding the lungs sucking it in, was a signal for you to try again. Leaning back and fingers catching the retreating chin of the older man, you redirected his attention to your face. "Hey." You whispered, earning a low chuckle before Law bumped your nose with his. He echoed your spoken word softly and you smiled up at him, albeit a bit tired as well. "Want to share what happened?" Law sucked in air, holding it for a moment before it blew over your chin, the man contemplating whether he truly should or not.

"It's stupid." He dismissed.

"If it keeps you down like this, it isn't." You argued back softly as you stroked his cheek.

Law laughed shortly, a deep rumble coming from his chest as he shook his head with closed eyes. "No, it isn't." Another inhale and he started to share, with a hushed voice, his day, frustration towards Victoria and the proceedings to split completely, only some words of encouragement to continue or exclamation of disbelieve interrupting him. You could understand why he would feel down like this, his feet dragging him to your home just to evade the subjects of his disrupted sleep as much as possible. With the amount of time Law was coming over, you were sure the woman would be on your doorstep within weeks, but that would be a worry for another time. For now, you had redirected the both of you to bed, his eyelids heavy as his lips parted to still utter words of explanations, yet his mind couldn't keep up, making his speech slurred. With loving eyes, you pushed away a lock of hair from his closed eyes, feeling his strong arms wrap around you even tighter in response.

Right now, you wouldn't believe your younger self with the worry about this man hating you.

Right now, all he could express was how deep his love was towards you, like he had done years before.

Even if the circumstances are different, you still felt the pull and how your world was gyrating around both your son and him, your life almost out of your hands as it spun out of control.

You clutched to this man, like you were clutching the last bits and pieces that wasn't out of your reach, feeling the familiarity of him being next to you without expectations of you doing more and better than you were already doing. He still saw you the way you were, still noticed you and still listened to you when you felt like rambling about everything and nothing at all. He still came back after everything that had happened and you still let him, realisation clear that you had missed him just as much if not more in the years you lost.

"Love you." You whispered to his chest before you pressed your lips over where his heart thumped slowly, lulling you to sleep as well.