❝ 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
𝙨̲𝙝̲𝙤̲𝙪̲𝙡̲𝙙̲ ̲𝘪̲ ̲𝘣̲𝘦̲?̲
𝐀̲𝐋̲𝐋̲ ̲𝐀̲𝐏̲𝐎̲𝐋̲𝐎̲𝐆̲𝐈̲𝐄̲𝐒̲.̲,,
DEAR DYLAN,,
i can't believe you're gone. you're REALLY gone. jesus, i'm so fucking stupid. why? why did you have to jump in that stupid fucking water?( . . ) i was so stupid to let you go in there. i was stupid not to save you. but what i regret most? not being there for you. i know i can't change how it was between us. but i wish i could. i wish i could just go back and tell you how much you meant to me. i fucking hate myself for never being able to tell you this until now,, when you can't even respond. when i can't even hug you as hard as i can. i hate that we never really got close. but god,, i wanted to. i never knew how to talk to you. i never knew how to open up to you the way i did with bowie. i can't stop thinking about how stupid i was to let you go. it felt like you were already so far away from me before we even hit that water. i could've reached out. i could've told you how i really felt about you: how much i loved you. i'm sorry i couldn't do enough, i couldn't do right by you. you probably wouldn't believe me if i could ACTUALLY say to your face how much i missed you since you've been gone. and it hurts so much to think about: the fact that you wouldn't believe i actually cared enough to miss you. but i do. i always did. i always cared. ( . . ) it was the biggest mistake to not show it. i don't wanna believe i'm writing this to you right now. i haven't felt this empty since dad left us. can't you just come back to me? i don't care if you yell at me to get out of your room anymore, i don't care if you slam the door in my face. do it all you want. just come back. if not for me, then for bowie. i can't stand to see him like this. i don't want him to live without you,, either. i feel helpless. i couldn't help you,, now it's bowie i can't help.( . . ) i'm sorry it had to end like this. you didn't deserve to go the way you did,, or at all. it should've been me,, dyl. it should've been me.
