Harry Potter and the Famous Five's ice-cream man

Part 7

The children sat round the dining table in silence, Aunt Fanny looking hard at each of them in turn. Joan staggered in with a massive teapot.

"I'm starving," said Dick. "Any chance of a snack, Joan? Perhaps just some bread and ham, and eggs, and salad, and a steak?"

"Ooh yes," agreed the others immediately. "And lashings of ginger beer of course."

"I've quit better jobs than this," muttered Joan, stomping out of the room. Good old Joan!

"Now," said Aunt Fanny, pouring tea. "Why don't you tell me what really happened?"

The children looked at each other.

"George," said Aunt Fanny calmly. "Tell me where Julian is."

Dick kicked George under the table. "Don't say anything," he kicked, in Morse Code.

"I'm not going to," kicked George back.

Anne joined in the conversation. "No-one has said anything for 5 minutes," she kicked frantically. "We need a quicker method of silent commu ..."

"Oh for god's sake," said Aunt Fanny. "Dick. Tell me where Julian is. RIGHT NOW."

Dick looked troubled. None of the children could lie to Aunt Fanny, but how could he tell her the truth? He looked at Harry, Ron and Hermione in desperation.

"He's staying with a friend," jumped in Ron.

"Try again," said Aunt Fanny.

"He's ... at church," said Harry.

"Nope," said Aunt Fanny.

"He's busying saving a child from a runaway horse ..." began Hermione.

"You're all terrible liars," cut in Aunt Fanny. "George, I'm surprised at you. You have always told me that you can't bear dishonesty. I don't know why you're lying to me now. Before I lose my temper, for the last time, where is Julian?"

George's eyes suddenly glistened with angry tears. "All right, mother. You're right. I do hate dishonesty. So if you really want to know the truth, Julian's been kidnapped by a wizard. And I'm one too."

There was a long silence. Aunt Fanny stared at George, speechless. Anne went white. Joan staggered in with a platter piled high with food and a four gallon carton of ginger beer balanced on her head.

"Not now Joan," said Aunt Fanny.

"Make up your pigging minds," muttered Joan, staggering away again.

Aunt Fanny rubbed her temples. "What on earth do you mean, you're a wizard?"

"It's just a name for a criminal gang," improvised Harry, trying and failing to kick George under the table (he hadn't learned the knack yet). "He's been kidnapped by ... by villains."

"Scoundrels," nodded Dick.

"Bounders," added Ron, getting in to it. "Real cads."

"They call themselves the Wizards," said Harry, inventing wildly. "Because they make people disappear." He was quite pleased with that, but Aunt Fanny didn't look impressed.

"Look I'm sorry, but who exactly are you again? Harry's your name, is that right? And where did these other two come from? They definitely weren't here at lunch, or Joan would have had to slaughter a cow."

"A cow isn't top of my murder list right now," shouted Joan from the kitchen.

"Me?" said Harry. "I'm no-one."

"He's a catholic from the north," said Dick. "And Hermione is from deepest Africa, probably."

"I'm from Birmingham," said Hermione.